74 @asahi@computerfairi.es

it's tiring

i need community

the network of privileged clueless people

always worse by techbros no matter what

how allistic people can be so cluelessly fucked up, how non-mentally ill, abled people ~help~ so inmensely ignorant, condescending, utterly viciously harmful in ways so horrible that only we have any idea about

feeling the need for trans disabled autistic mentally ill community

dysphoria

growing up in an abusive family means that often casual conversation constantly reminds you of awful arbitrary things your family did that were pretty messed up

sometimes in retrospect, sometimes you realize then, sometimes you know but don't really want to think about it nor remember...

and you don't want to mention it because of not wanting to interrupt with awful stuff nor constantly think much of it...

... i want to return to being myself...

a sense of spirituality from astronomy. truly eldritch cosmic powers. a beauty in the physical universal forces, evocation of indescriptible things

the sense of a nature so inmense and beyond

like a spiritual being
like a fairy or a deity

time is an awful thing

@MiseryMyra it's a flawed thing as it isn't about ingredients as much as how they're put together

i could say "chocolate pineapple rice"
in the sense of dumping chocolate onto fried rice with pineapple, or bathing chocolate rice on pineapple juice, but they can absolutely be made good

like say, tomato with milk sounds gross, but some things technically involve that
meanwhile blending random things won't be a good idea unless you like weird goop

anyways back to unlivable executive dysfunction and anxiety

it isn't very good, i didn't filter it nor anything which was kind of a mistake it probably would've been better to separate it from the pulp, but it's not bad

made myself almond milk for breakfast
i didn't have in my head you could just, Make Stuff, That You Want

i can't live here

loneliness, helplessness, and dysphoria

and other things

want a name, a full name
want the ability to make things and exist, and learn and be

want to reach and solve things

@MiseryMyra they do not exist, yet are a good friend too