This program has multiple syntax faults, and even if it didn't, it's not calling anything.
https://ghostbin.com/paste/gu9tu
(Hint: The emoticons at the bottom are red herrings.)
@boots i'm afraid of this questionably invalid javascript
@typhlosion you can run it, it'll error
@typhlosion i am absolutely certain an error will occur when you run it
@boots i will crack your dark unicode magic yet
@boots i mean something fucky is happening with the code coloring so it's sure to be something to do with unicode
@typhlosion okay so that one may not have actually caused an error
here's a fixed version
http://sprunge.us/OSIb
@boots after the last one i'm not trusting any not-statically-analyzed code from you not to do something arbitrarily harmful >:c
@typhlosion honestly code from me should just not be trusted as far as "it'll probably always do something really weird that it shouldn't do", not untrusted as far as "arbitrarily harmful"
@typhlosion (then again arbitrarily harmful is arbitrary so i dunnoooo)
@typhlosion also besides, you can see just by looking at it that it's the same source file
nothing different, tis merely a joke, you can check ;^
@boots you can't get your invisible unicode fairy dust past my keen typhlosion nose
@typhlosion but where's the invisible unicode got to hide? ✨
@boots in between a regex disguised as a blank comment line, of course
@typhlosion awwwwwww 🎊 you win
@boots ❤
i still haven't entirely figured out how precisely it works, but you play a very good misdirection game
@boots i am really enjoying this one
@boots i really like how a certain subset of the code makes the alert appear not once, but over and over again
@typhlosion the best part is if you're in chrome try typing "Object." into the dev console
@boots boots how...
@typhlosion chrome's sandboxing is really weird
@boots okay i think i figured this one out - i really like the disguised arrow function, that was a good touch
@typhlosion yeah, basically the browser casts SyntaxError to a string when it gets ~ called on it (bitwise-not) and since the function.prototype assignment ran first due to parenthesis, it runs the alert
the "Object." thing is just chrome weirdness though
iirc you can use it to make a dev tools beartrap which is fun
@boots i was able to get the payload to run with just 0/(the function prototype assignment), which is what ended up finally cinching it for me
here's some neat looking invalid javascript
it won't do anything when you run it, it's so obviously invalid, right
http://sprunge.us/QeYK