Chel @Chel@computerfairi.es

lesbians are the true cryptids

it took me about 25 or so years to find one

that was a good day

the concept of frenemies is just one of those concepts that i struggle to understand

is a frenemy a friend that's an enemy - kinda like some kind of distorted rival?

or is a frenemy an enemy that's a friend - kinda like some kind of ex or somethn?

or is a frenemy a pizza salad?

this is what straight couples look like to me

i was a social engineer for a group of hackers during a period of my life where i was trying too hard

i gave up The Life when i messed up and the vice president of an early vrml (3d stuff) startup flew out bc he thought i was a potential investor

he showed up at the house, bc i gave them my address (oops). my mom was really surprised when a rich white guy in a suit showed up that day.

"uh. no. my child is not an investor. i think you'd better sit down."

i got to keep the free software tho

shower sex is actually pretty terrible, the water dries everything out (this prob seems counterintuitive but trust me, it feels like it), you eventually get all wrinkly from too much moisture, and it's really awkward to maneuver in a shower for two people

we used to live next to a straight couple that had loud, angry shower sex after arguing. no wonder they were always so angry. i mean really.

me (conversational): i like it when you rub my butt

@Chel (wildly): *throws phone across room and scrambles to my ass*

me: rabbits are all silly

Chel: *is now way too distracted*

being married to a white girl is sometimes instructive to us both.

she gets to learn more about history and culture. i get to be slack jawed as i stumble into bizarrely white spaces. we both get to run out of these spaces screaming.

i get to hear "omg, i never noticed that stuff before, omg".

im not even mad. i just need food and a drink. a strong drink.

when im at a concert, listening to loud and vulgar cultural appropriation, and then observe that there isn't a single black person in a band. then they start to poorly mimic r&b style.

okay. okay. that's enough.

im leaving.

@Lumb :0

*actually blushes irl (which is meaningless bc no one can see It)*

uwu :333

ive never typed that before but this def was an uwu moment

*awkwardly stands in the corner holding a placard that says @scarly is cute*

*white dude voice* BLACK friday???? why isn't there a WHITE friday huh????? and you people want EQUALITY????