re: Hitman 2 (REVIEW) 

(THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR: yes, I didn't explain what the game is about. it's literally titled "Hitman", you know it's not a stocks simulator. it's a shooty-type game as about half of them are now. I'm just saying what I think of it and what it fails at because I wouldn't fucking review it if it was total garbage. )

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Cleese transphobia trashpost, intentional and fully in keeping with Chapman's crusade against mindlessness bad taste reference to Graham Chapman's funeral 

who shall be the first person to say "cis" to John Cleese in this human society

(no replies pls)

TRASHPOST FOR READINGLY! CW: legal and medical content 

actual knowledgeable person: "the term 'surgery' comes from -- "

me, a complete goon: *grabs their microphone* "WHAT YOU'RE FORGETTING IS THE LOST FIGURE OF OUR WORLD, SIR JURY OF THE ROUND TABLE, WHO CREATED BOTH MEDICINE AND LAW IN AUGUST OF 1920"

re: Hitman 2 (REVIEW) 

So, the bad news: It's jarring linguistically. Spy film tropes are a thing I'm quite familiar with but language is so huge there's no way even three dozen voice actors can provide that range; Hitman 2 does far better in Mumbai's atmosphere, IMO, than the Marrakech marketplace.

So get Hitman 2! The Hitman 1 content's baked in, basically, so don't grab the first one. Just 2, and then look forward to Hitman 3! For reasons almost nobody understands at this point. 🙃

9.99/10

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re: Hitman 2 (REVIEW) 

There are bad levels (MARRAKECH NEEDS BETTER VOICE PROGRAMMING AND I WILL NOT CEDE THAT POINT, hearing Ohioan accents asking in broken English about whether you will buy their bananas is basically steamrolling your fourth wall) but there are magnificent levels too. And just so, so, SO many deliciously lethal tools at your disposal.

It's what the fifth (or seventh?) game in the original series aspired to, I suppose. And it's smooth as hell. Mechanics are damn good.

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Hitman 2 (REVIEW) 

The Hitman franchise has a sort of resemblance to that of Max Payne if you put it on silly putty and then stretched out a lot. Yet, 'arrange self, objects, and other people to kill target and walk away like a badass' is still a workable concept to the point that this game has caused a mild IP kerfuffle, and the end result was rebirthing the original studio into existence again, sorta.

Not even kidding.

But this is a magnificent flawed gem, and the beauty was not lost on me.

My wife said I should review games. Guess I will.

Hopefully nothing bad comes of that! 🤣

WARNING: if you get dew in your armpit, it will still dry and get sticky. at least if you're me

Irish businesses should always do well, since...

😎

THEIR CAPITAL IS ALWAYS DUBLIN

re: evolution theory, absolute crap I'm sure, very horror 

(this idea brought to you by the also horrifying thought that parasites in general but tapeworms particularly might be slowly adapting to eventually replicate sections of our gastrointestinal systems)

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evolution theory, absolute crap I'm sure, very horror 

the notion of human sentience being the result of a partially distributed intelligence resulting from tight biointegration (think fishes with worms for tongues, kids, there's never one real example of anything ever) with a arthropod parasite co-ancestor that eventually also integrated into our reproduction, and so tentacle stomachs from hell start tearing out of people suddenly a la alien when they're of certain ages

bad news: my December just got so much worse

good news: the worseness is non physically injurious and will replace a far less unpleasant memory of a literal car crash in my general thoughtsing of December

internal dialogue, food mentioned, language learning complications 

me: why do I have to look up words, I --

also me: it's for your Japanese study! about five years of it now! you understand some! and you get (GREASY BURGER PLACE) treats after

me: TO THE DICTIONARY! WHERE I SHALL LOOK UP NOT ONLY THE LONE WORD I REQUIRE BUT ALSO THE JAPANESE WORD FOR 'DICTIONARY' FIRST SO I CAN WRITE ABOUT DOING THIS LATERRRRRR, AND I'M GONNA LEARN EVERY WORD I SEE --

also me: *sighing* christ I'm such a nerd

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