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just wanting everything to be so on purpose
like tell me when you wanna be done, tell me how often we wanna see each other
my heart can't handle loving anyone more than they love me again , or maybe i can handle that
but i can't handle trying with my heart more again
i need to know what we are doing i need to know what you feel like you're doing
i wish i hadn't broken my heart so many times on people & lovers & organizations & friends who couldn't really love me back
and there are so many ways of loving & trying
but just
craving deep in my heart in my body for any mutuality or reciprocity in so many of my connections
to have to ache when a connection feels good because of what i then learn about other times