thunderstorm crackle dream @hungrychangeling@computerfairi.es

tender holding hands head on should snuggle on couch kind of blush

Ugh I have a crush

The simultaneity of excitement or desire that triggers anxiety

Googling questions like how to move through resentment googling questions like how to just be chill and not care about anything except what I have control over googling questions like how to never feel disappointment

Practically the same as what I wondered at 14

The way becoming full is about learning to wait and anticipate too

Realized when I noticed I was finding it to difficult to hear anyone talk their experiences of aging because I want to experience it however I do IS exactly like how I started taking hormones and never ever read how other hormone folks experience it and haven't ever tracked my changes in regard to it

Forever seeking to make my own intuitive way , deep relation with self

The project of loving my strange body and its various transformsations, to be in awe of it, continues to involve refusing to read or listen to anyone talking about their body or documenting their shifts in their body (re aging re gender re whatever)

I want to know nothing about the chronologies and mythologies of any body but my own

I may occasionally listen to excerpts from dear ones who are situated in our relational context

Read an essay about being a princess and was like oh maybe I'm something like a disaster princess or a princess disaster

the way an if becomes a when

took a just before sunrise walk & saw such a beautiful low orange crescent moon hanging over the highway as i stood above the almost total lack of traffic on the pedestrian bridge feeling like a secret

Ok I'm ready to be living my best life 💪💪💪💪💪✨✨✨💪💪💪💪

Slowly knitting a be ribboned crop top

Anyways if I sort my matches by percentage on my new okq my ex who I'm still in love with is first, great, good

TBH I think sleeping with a body pillow is deeply improving my sleep and sleep related pain AND leading to lots of cozy sexy intimacy and fucking dreams

Wandering back from the beach with you in a dream getting distracted by kissing suddenly the trail a many moons journey in being lost in touch and delight

Welcome sex dreams

How to ever be able to inhabit desire within relationship within intimacy

The ease of it with deep intimacy suddenly and then the increasing difficult
The impossibility of locating it within so often
How to imagine it enacted with ease in the day to day of knowing
Consistently instead of an occasional front that blows thru

Build yr own sticker star chart of awards and tasks, possibilities grid

thinking a lot about my inability to sustain normative friendships or normative romantic -seuxal relationships

too much love & intensity & neediness & desire for commitment, affeciton, touch for most friendships
too much space & drift & running hot & cold & manic&sad for most romantic relationships

strange intimacies
like i just want to relate how we are relating to nurture us across changes
affirm specificies affirm and move towards supportive changes

thinking about expressions of commitment
like i want to keep caring about you i want to keep supporting you
i want to keep ́́ ______ you in experiences of
enacting needed or wanted relational change instead of like 'i want stay friends, or i want to be friends'; like affirm specific continuing desires; name changing needs and boundaries?