maul's jorts @necro@computerfairi.es

i think ocd awareness brought it up, ive got a handful of strong symptoms from a bunch of things plus most likely being autistic so its all soup here

trying to decipher how my brain works which is truly an enigma, ive given up on conventional traditional diagnoses because wowza

hmmmmmmmmmmm

feeling extremely detached and out of place oops

i completely knocked out i think because the smoky air is getting to me but now my eyes and throat hurt and im still sneezing + generally feeling miserable

shes like "this is confusing, so i will simply ignore it" like thank you for not being helpful and never taking me to the doctor except when i needed vaccine shots but only because my middle school forced you to...

i dont even know how to renew my prescription at a new doctor let alone Who my new doctor is because my mom doesnt tell me, i feel so trapped within her weird ways and lack of understanding how health insurance works so i have to struggle and figure it all out myself

etsy stuff is the only thing keeping me motivated because its something i can control and ive had actual positive feedback about instead of, feeling unqualified to do any job to speak of

want to live like this some more

even when employers contact me i feel this bone crushing dread because i know i'll just disappoint them and they'll reject me anyway... i just feel incompetent of able to have an actual job despite being in retail for 2 years...feel shitey

writing cover letters makes me crave death

time to apply to more jobs/internships...lowkey dying because its 115 degrees again and i had too much dairy yesterday oopsie

i should make a bookmark for masto so i can remember to check it out more.... friend city pleas

dream to learn orville peck songs on guitar, im part way there

so its like, local tl is everyone i follow + those peoples mutuals? it seems and then federated tl is everyone...sorry im behind on figuring this stuff out i want to stay in touch with friends and keep dealing with nightmare housemate shit...

practicing so much guitar, finger hurty

i put my chart in my bio so i can be truly put on blast here

i should change my icon to doctor doom tooting

o _ o

theres so many different timelines, the multiverse