Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

also my dad managed to give me his fucking cold. seven hours ago i was praising the virtues of my neti pot. and then an hour after that it had slammed down on me full force. now i feel like a bullfrog a bit because my thyroid glands are so fucken swollen and one nostril appears to be full of concrete while my aching throat is trying out a variegated crimson for the new season's fashionable style.

does anyone have an IV drip of nyquil or perhaps just a big fuckoff hammer to bash me over the head

reading back at my ranting i think it's obvious that you can scope out the ONE TRUE UR-KINK in my mind:

having a good time with somebody while genuinely connecting with them as another human being and feeling able to be vulnerable.

while mashing genitals together.

pls no kinkshame

but also BOO FUCKING 4CHAN WEEBS RUINING ONE KEYWORD WHERE I COULD FIND STRAIGHT FUCKIN' WHERE IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE WOMAN IS IN ABSOLUTE AGONY AND IS PERHAPS EVEN ENJOYING HERSELF

can we just yeet them into the sun already!!!

why can't we go back to "feels so nice i'm making a silly face because sex is fun and nice and you can have genuine expressions of joy to connect with other people in the moment" instead of fucking

4channers wearing hoodies out in the world and banking on nobody saying anything so they get off on shoving their porn in public spaces because iTs jUsT tHe SiLlY fAcEs something something "triggered snowflakes" i'm breaking out in hives help.

well ok it's not a pot, it's a neti squeezy bottle?, but like

y'all

pouring water up your nose is Good. it Helps So Much. trust me on this

i'm gonna marry my neti pot

anyway this may be egregiously cishet of me, but folks saying "soldier 76 is confirmed as gay in one line in this material supplementary to the game then the writer on twitter confirming so! REPRESENTATION WIN!"...

all i can hear is "activision-blizzard kindly requests you stop paying attention to things like, say, how their stock is doing right now, or the whole selling lootboxes to children thing (with promos for free lootboxes in boxes of pop-tarts, first hit's on the house kiddos!)".

because god fucking forbid a yankee motherfucker eats food that is commonplace to any of the workers he scowls at for being poor eh.

right i think that rant is done

(p.s. please note that there is a big difference between "someone who lives north of the mason-dixon line" and "a yankee". the first is fantastic. the second is me describing a particular brand of odious idiot, and please feel free to also come jeer at them as well.)

"well as long as my authentic cuisine hasn't been touched by THE POORS" is such a depressingly yankee attitude to take that it just about squeezes the desire to live out of me.

if you don't like, for instance in above example, offal, it's fine. i don't. but that's me personally not liking the thing. i know when to shut my fucking yap and not make value judgments about it, like you're only allowed to eat this shit if you're sufficiently ~*exotic*~.

honestly i think there's some real model minority bullshit at work in the culinary industry. pho with beef tendon and tripe is exotic, classy, trendy.

but the same trends that say that will also say authentic menudo is disgusting, dirty, and unsafe to eat. and the same people will tell you that chitlins are awful, unsanitary, and something no fashionable person would ever consider eating.

i mean when even my lily-white mayonnaise ass can see this shit, you know it's bad.

so nah, you don't have to suddenly acquire a taste for chitlins, but i think it speaks fucking volumes about somebody if they gush about being interested in social justice and anti-racism, and will eagerly wax poetic about finding the perfect authentic bowl of pho, but will immediately dismiss soul food as gross, disgusting, unsanitary, and not something that could ever be considered 'real fine dining'.

this goes triple for some of the oddities of soul food which you can directly trace back to african cuisine. if you're mocking that shit, you're mocking the black community's desperate way to keep continuity with their heritage as they were stolen from their homes. you're being cruel to often some of the only connections that still remain there.

that's fucked up. don't say you're fighting racism if you're interested in perpetuating it.

you don't have to personally be ready to chow down on possum pie or hoppin john, but don't look down at the culinary traditions of poor people and-or people of color (and the large large overlap there) in the south and in appalachia and also say you're interested in empowering the masses

yeah, some of these are cuisines borne of desperation, but they're also really important cultural touchstones. don't mock them for being 'silly' or 'not classy'.

the utter yankee nonsense there came from how many of the people being stroppy about it proclaimed themselves to be ~sjws~

you can't be interested in race/class justice and also trip all over yourself to screech at soul food for being disgusting, folks

honestly i have never felt so attacked by yankee bullshit as when i posted about eating boiled peanuts on tumblr and my tumblr famous friend reblogged it (asking politely! and we had a nice conversation where i explained)

and then five million idiots came out of the woodwork all PEANUTS? AND YOU BOIL THEM? EEEEWWWW

*does the Boiled Peanuts For Lunch dance*

i should install snapchat just to play with the filters honestly

anyway time to go haul my silly ass into the shower and then go to physical therapy SEE YOU IN A BIT FEDIVERSE

"you can't just say 'dump the motherfucker' in so many relationship situations, harp!"

I WILL STOP SAYING IT WHEN MOTHERFUCKERS STOP NEEDING TO BE DUMPED

straight men get away with far too much complete bullshit!!!!!

don't enter into and be in a relationship where the end result is you not getting a partner and ally to rely on, but instead gaining a fuckin overgrown child whose shit you have to manage!!!!