Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

i feel like this fic is just going to get weird if/when i eventually write it simply because i cannot resist an opportunity to stop and go "so sidon's kind of the odd one out, being the lone fish-man among the closer-human-analogues, huh"

which is my way of saying that zelda is going to try to head off a joke at one point only to realize she is hoisted by her own petard of "shit now i need to explain menstruation to a confused shark boyfriend"

i DEFINITELY reverse-engineered a subgenre of yaoi mpreg on accident there. one of y'all are gonna come along and tell me at any moment now "yeah penis jousting to see who ends up taking the biological burden of being pregnant is why the whole a/b/o thing, like, exists. you didn't know that?" and i will have to just go Oh Dear about it

the shark boyfriend has spent 100 years trying to doggedly be a good prince who wears a cravat and knows how proper decorum and then he hooks up with mr. link "battle gremlin" hyrule and ms. princess "have just spent 100 years locked in psychic battle with the greatest force of evil, could use a cuppa tea honestly" zelda. it's just a fish man trying to hold on to his dignity while dating two disasters shaped like hylians

right that retoot cinches it, i am going to have to put in some contrived-ass bit of this fic i might eventually write wherein Zelda Learns How To Cuss

link already knows he's become a feral battle goblin it's like 90% f-words by this point. he's just going to yell at the moon to fuck off at any occasion now

nope instead it's prince sidon who is all GAAAAAASP!!!!!!!!!!!! and absolutely SCANDALIZED because PRINCESS WHY ARE YOU SAYING SUCH THINGS

also y'all please observe this really really terrible t-shirt that keeps making me laugh SO fucking much i cannot express why or how but i keep fucking losing it

the people who look at porn on pinterest with their real name and facebook account just hanging out there are braver than any us marine

i love my dog even though she considers me a very inconveniently shaped pet bed most of the time by all of the shoving i get

anyway please imagine that this post is me tiredly padding around in a circle three or four times and then finally flopping down to sleep

and by sleep, i really mean leaning back my recliner after setting down my laptop and dimming the lights a little and putting on a podcast

me: noooo i can't take a nap i need to stay awake

me:

me: wait a second i think i'm kinda allowed an after-dinner nap while recovering from surgery

my catgrill remains pretty.

i think doubling up my cbd dose and being really diligent with ice packs and naproxen are going to get me through but i am a little YOU GUYS. at the doctors honestly

like GIVE A BITCH A BREAK Y'ALL

i'm holding out as best i damn can and i think i may be able to make it, but they uhhh didn't actually give me ANY increase in pain medication for post-surgery

i was on oxycodone 5mg handling my base pain, now i'm on... percocet 5mg

so like

same thing

but with tylenol in there too

also this is apparently the worst day of post-op pain and I'm Really Feelin It Mr Krabs

my dudes i wish i had money because there are so many worthy people to give money to and yet i have none to give and it sucks.

then they dig up good-guy-ganon and so they are joined by a lanky gerudo man who *also* has existential breakdowns

as you do.

...

listen, it's a Theme, okay,

even though at that point everyone involved in the polycule is over 100 years old

please do not pay attention to link as he pulls out his powerpoint presentation, "REASONS I AM UNLOVEABLE, PART 1: i hope you're all familiar with the Ship of Theseus as part of your reading for class"

the rest of the fic is just sidon looking on worriedly at two hylians having existential breakdowns. as you do.