This does kind of answer a lot, especially about Bowser
Like oh the professional go-karters aren't the same as the kings
And constantly personally stealing a peach isn't a bad strategy if there's hundreds all going at once to steal a different peach, which either thins out the Mario army or only points them in a single direction
Each level is like an obstacle course to distract the Marios from every other Bowser aside from whoever drew the short straw
@heatherhorns [slowly growing expression of horrified realisation]