severe dysphoric memories [1/2]
When I fully accepted I’m trans one of the first things that came to mind was all the friendships with women I had that petered out even though we got pretty close, and how I always felt this imperceptible distance between us that I could never fully understand. I would get mad at myself thinking I must secretly want a relationship like all guys, but in my new clarity I instantly understood that the thing I had been looking for all along was sisterhood.
severe dysphoric memories [2/2]
And I imagined all the wonderful women I’d drifted away from over the years, gathered in one place to tell me that they understand, that they know I tried my best. That we can be sisters now. But that’s not how it works in real life. I can’t recreate the friendships that should have been.
Yet my mind still wanders back to that dream, whether I want it to or not. And it breaks me every time.
