my mom once told me that i feel like an alien that came on earth and can't blend in with humans well.

while i am certain that i am native to earth, i find that...there is something about what she said.

i don't really belong to any people.
i am kazakh but due to the consequences of cultural imperialism and the fact i grew up in a russian speaking neighborhood, i am largely detached from my culture, even despite trying to find it again

i don't belong to the community of english speaking people either because i am a foreigner, i don't speak english well, and in general, our social experiences are so different i simply fear i will always be an outlier.

i don't belong among average people because to them i am too weird. or too radical. too gay. too strange. i don't belong among my family because they are queerphobic. i don't belong to anybody irl because people who even claim to be allies are not actually allies.

not to mentioned im neurodiv and socially awkward and anxious.

i don't know what my home is.