Taking this right out into its own little thread, because I feel like I threadjacked @weirdofhermiston's original points. (sorry!)

I came of age in the 90s, in this weird time post-AIDS-crisis but pre-gay-kisses-on-TV. In wider media and culture, who could call themselves gay and who shouldn't be claiming that seemed to revolve around whether you were currently in a physical relationship that was considered a same-sex one.

On the other hand, literally nobody in my IRL vicinity was out. It was such a prudish place that even rumors about a girl's sexuality would get her mocked at school-wide pep rallies. So how in the world would a gay kid even really know they were gay? let alone participate in queer culture?

Obviously, half of that is getting rid of the cruel sexual repression.

But the other half is acknowledging you don't have to be sexual at all -- currently or ever -- to be queer.