I'm trying to figure out something about dealing with /avoiding conflict.
When I'm in conflict with someone, I'll often avoid confronting them, because I don't trust them. I might like them, but I don't trust their ability to respond appropriately.
I find that honest conversations mean making myself vulnerable to some extent, and if someone has hurt me, or is annoyed with me, it doesn't feel safe to be that vulnerable.
I reserve conversations like that for people who are very close to me, that I trust, like my husband and my father.
I usually hide my anger and annoyance, because it feels like they don't deserve to see my honest emotions.
But I don't think this is a healthy strategy.
@Zumbador @actuallyautistic different approach, one of the issues we hit is that we often mentally prepare by playing the whole conversation in our heads and prepare for the worst. Reality is often not nearly as harsh. Example, I once was at a music festival trying to sleep and the tent across from us was playing loud music. Mentally I was at war, I would say something, they would call me stupid. Mentioned it to my girlfriend, she walked over and the reply was, oh sure no problem.
@Zumbador @actuallyautistic now I know that running a conversation in my head is part of being autistic and that I need to mentally split between what my head tells me and how reality is. So my suggestion is to check your internal energy levels and take a gamble once in a while. And know it's okay to stop at any time.
People in general have the best intentions, but its not always smooth and this is why I prefer talking to people face to face. You get time to figure things out.
@toolsontech @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
And this is where reality sucks. It can't follow the script.
If people only knew how much energy I put into creating the script, rehearsing it, updating and amending it, rehearsing more. But it's like they don't even care. Instead of following the script, they wander off into topics never mentioned in the script.
@ScottSoCal @Zumbador @actuallyautistic this, so hard. Just follow the flowchart. What do you mean, sounds good? That wasn't in the script!