Autism
So I'm reading The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome, as part of a self-discovery thing, to figure out if I'm autistic or not, and…
…every time he goes into the clinical descriptions of things I think "nah" and "maybe, but probably not clinically significant"
THEN he describes what kids with autism are like at various ages and I swear to fuck I'm having, like, flashbacks of all my childhood faux pas and also several adult ones
Autism
Of course, autism wasn't really something I heard of, growing up, at least not until later in life when my cousin was diagnosed. And it was never something I thought might apply to me. I was just shy and awkward and I thought the other kids were mean.
I'm still not entirely sure if I'm autistic but wow every time he talks about a support strategy and what behaviour it aims to correct I'm like YIKES
also it's keeping me up at night reliving all my fucking faux pas
Autism
And I'm scared to talk about it to anyone besides my husband (who isn't very receptive to the discussion), or on here, because… well… I have a 9 and a half month old son and I'm worried people (in particular my mother in law, who is being… just awful) will try to take him away and say I'm an unfit mother :(
Autism
@Tarale the important thing to remember is that the diagnostic criteria are from a third party's view of you, not necessarily your own view of yourself
Autism
@troubleMoney Yeah and I'm not entirely sure my view of myself is very accurate… at some point I should ask mum if she still has things like my school report cards. I know my job performance evaluations read like a list of the ways I'm inflexible and anxious and weird though…
Autism
@Tarale oh someone's view of themselves is never exactly the same of other people's view of them
"inflexible, anxious, and weird" certainly seems like it might fit from my experiences with being aspie though
Autism
@troubleMoney Yeah, my husband obviously has this view of me, or of autism, that basically causes him to reject the conversation about it immediately.
I also have to laugh at the "doesn't like change" thing I keep getting on performance reviews.
Like THE COMPANY WAS BOUGHT BY ANOTHER COMPANY
PEOPLE KEEP GETTING MADE REDUNDANT
AND MOST OF THE CHANGES SUCK
DOES ANYBODY LIKE THAT???
ANYONE???
Autism
@Tarale I'm told there are different degrees of "not liking change" that neurotypicals pick up on, but that makes perfect sense to me
Autism
@troubleMoney Hmmmm. I guess one day I'll look into a diagnosis. For now I'm only 18% into the book and I guess I'll see how I feel about things when I finish. Might ask mum some questions when I know what questions might be best to ask. Diagnosis is also expensive so I will probably procrastinate even more.
Autism
@Tarale oh yeah, I was lucky enough to get mine paid for for... reasons
If I had to pay for one I'd have put it off as well
Autism
@troubleMoney Yeah, it's complicated by the fact that I'm not working (I'm a stay at home mum with a 9 and a half month old son) so I have no income to pay for it with. And even if I do manage to get the money, then I also need the time/babysitters/etc to work around with the baby… so it's definitely not something I'm doing for a while.
Autism
Like, he's describing interventions you can take with kids to teach them social skills and how and why they help and it's stuff like not understanding which social circles a joke might be OK in (ahh cringe cringe) or dobbing on other kids (ahhhhhhhhh) or idiosyncratic humour (I thought my sense of humour was broken for ages).
And I'm up to the part about 9-13 year olds befriending the opposite sex and it me, the tomboy with no fashion sense, who has no girl friends ahhhh