One of the (many) things I can relate to in all the stuff I'm reading about autism is executive dysfunction.

As a child, I was constantly criticised for forgetting things, for being "lazy", for having trouble starting tasks. I didn't do my homework in high school because I didn't know how to start it most of the time.

The only reason I seem to get anything done NOW is because I've built up a whole system of little routines and habits. But if it's not routine it doesn't get done…

I've had intense arguments with all kinds of people in my life where they demand to know why I'm not getting more done.

And I explain that I'm doing my best, but that's not good enough for some people. They have to keep chipping away, trying to find ways I could be doing more. They don't call me lazy now, cause that's rude, but they sure as fuck *imply* it.

And when I write stuff down, to try to remember it, gosh is it ever frowned on.

It's not like I'm not getting lots done, like I'm sitting around either. It's just that some areas lag and it's those areas people always want to nitpick in.

When I'm working, a lot of home stuff tends to lag. Actually, some home stuff is still lagging now I'm a stay at home mum. And people will bug me about it, about why I'm not renovating or something.

And I just think WOW I'M JUST SO PROUD THAT THE KID IS FED AND THE HOUSE IS (MOSTLY) CLEAN AND THERE'S FOOD ON THE TABLE

I actually get a lot done, really, but it's not the things other people want me to get done, I guess.

And I get most of it done because I have six hundred different computer systems reminding me to do it. I am particularly fucked if Remember The Milk ever stops being a thing.

Also this is a disorganised rant and I'm not sure if I had a point here or what my point was but yeah something something EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION