Chemistry shitpost(?) 

Stuck dealing with someone insisting on calling water "dihydrogen monoxide"? Here's some tips:
- Systematic names aren't always used. DHMO may be the systematic name, but hydrogen oxide is more correct (probably*).
- The IUPAC name is oxidane. If you want a technical name, this is the one (well, along with water).
- Yes, according to IUPAC, the technical name of water is water.
- Hydroxic acid. 'nough said. Who doesn't love acids?!

*It is according to my chemistry textbook

Chemistry shitpost(?) 

You could also hit them with the ol' μ-oxido dihydrogen or κ¹-hydroxyl hydrogen(0). It deals +5 confusion if the target doesn't actually understand chemistry

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Chemistry shitpost(?) 

You could also get pedantic and point out that only distilled water is DHMO and tap water is actually of solution of water, salts and minerals, and (in many cities) chlorine and fluorine. Yes, your water is technically a weak solution of hydrochloric and hydrofluoric acids*.

*Maybe. I'm kinda just talking out my ass at this point, much like anyone who calls water "dihydrogen monoxide"

Chemistry shitpost(?) 

So, followup on that weak solution comment: It's only a weak solution if there's free hydrogen. Otherwise, it's just water with chlorine and fluorine in it.

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