Some thoughts have been slushing around in my brain juices about something which has proved controversial on this platform. I've meant to post about it for a very long time but have been put off by the extreme reactions I've encountered from people before. And now I'm thinking, that's kind of a shitty thing to be put off by, maybe I can try and invite more careful discussion. This will be CW'd but do still be warned that this is an upsetting and difficult topic!

As is the case of many people I've had the chance to talk to, my time on Mastodon has been my first encounter with LGBT+ people who dislike/hate/are opposed to using the word "queer". This is important and I'm glad that I got to meet them! Some of them seem to speak of feeling like they can't speak out against the word, like they've just been silently putting up with it, and I'm very very glad that they feel comfortable speaking their mind on this platform!

If, before I encountered these views, it was the case that some of my LGBT+ comrades were silently tolerating the use of a word they found upsetting or detrimental, that is alarming, and I'm glad to have heard from them on this platform.

There are many strands to this argument so I'll go through them one by one, I apologise if this takes time but it's essential in order to think clearly about the issue.

Firstly: if someone finds "queer" upsetting, this must be respected in all cases.

LGBT+ people experience oppression in ways which are unfortunately as diverse as we are. It is not up to me to tell you what you experience as a slur and what you don't. Plenty of people identify as the F-word, I personally find it very upsetting. I've seen people claim that self-identifying as an F-word is bad, and I disagree, I'll soon go into why. But I think it's reasonable to expect that my feelings be respected, and people who dislike "queer" are right to expect the same from me.

People who dislike "queer" should never be described as such, and if you're having a conversation with them, you shouldn't use the word. This is non-negotiable.

However, should it be CW'd? This is a more difficult question in my opinion. There are two reasons people *don't* CW stuff and those reasons are

1) it makes up most of their content

2) it's generally agreed that these things don't need a CW

An example of 2) would be a post such as "I love my scurvy wife". An example of 1) would be if your account is primarily focused on politics, for example. In this case, it's reasonable to expect that people who don't want to see un-CW'd political posts would block or mute you. Exceptions include NSFW images, or discussions of suicide for example. Those get a blocked and reported from me if they're not CW'd, in all cases.