Some thoughts have been slushing around in my brain juices about something which has proved controversial on this platform. I've meant to post about it for a very long time but have been put off by the extreme reactions I've encountered from people before. And now I'm thinking, that's kind of a shitty thing to be put off by, maybe I can try and invite more careful discussion. This will be CW'd but do still be warned that this is an upsetting and difficult topic!

As is the case of many people I've had the chance to talk to, my time on Mastodon has been my first encounter with LGBT+ people who dislike/hate/are opposed to using the word "queer". This is important and I'm glad that I got to meet them! Some of them seem to speak of feeling like they can't speak out against the word, like they've just been silently putting up with it, and I'm very very glad that they feel comfortable speaking their mind on this platform!

If, before I encountered these views, it was the case that some of my LGBT+ comrades were silently tolerating the use of a word they found upsetting or detrimental, that is alarming, and I'm glad to have heard from them on this platform.

There are many strands to this argument so I'll go through them one by one, I apologise if this takes time but it's essential in order to think clearly about the issue.

Firstly: if someone finds "queer" upsetting, this must be respected in all cases.

LGBT+ people experience oppression in ways which are unfortunately as diverse as we are. It is not up to me to tell you what you experience as a slur and what you don't. Plenty of people identify as the F-word, I personally find it very upsetting. I've seen people claim that self-identifying as an F-word is bad, and I disagree, I'll soon go into why. But I think it's reasonable to expect that my feelings be respected, and people who dislike "queer" are right to expect the same from me.

People who dislike "queer" should never be described as such, and if you're having a conversation with them, you shouldn't use the word. This is non-negotiable.

However, should it be CW'd? This is a more difficult question in my opinion. There are two reasons people *don't* CW stuff and those reasons are

1) it makes up most of their content

2) it's generally agreed that these things don't need a CW

An example of 2) would be a post such as "I love my scurvy wife". An example of 1) would be if your account is primarily focused on politics, for example. In this case, it's reasonable to expect that people who don't want to see un-CW'd political posts would block or mute you. Exceptions include NSFW images, or discussions of suicide for example. Those get a blocked and reported from me if they're not CW'd, in all cases.

However, it wouldn't surprise me that there are people out there who find mentions of scurvy, or evocations of the "curvy wife" meme upsetting. In this case, the consensus is that it's up to them to curate their timeline, because these concerns, while valid, are not as widespread as finding un-CW'd NSFW images disturbing.

So where does "queer" fall? Well, I actually was part of a conversation which provides the perfect answer to this question!

In a conversation with friends who were speaking about finding "queer" upsetting, someone suggested that they mute the word. One person responded that this would remove half of LGBT+ posts from their timeline. This is precisely the case in which it is preferable to mute the word! The fact that the word is so often used positively indicates that it shouldn't automatically require a CW. It means that, while some people experience it as a slur, much of the community does not.

This (finally) gets to the heart of the question: when is something a slur?

There are two sides to language, which I'm going to call "subjective" and "objective". Here's how I'm using these words:

"Red is good" is an objective statement because it makes a claim about the nature of something.

"I like red" is a subjective statement because it makes a claim about the experiences of the subject.

A statement being subjective according to this definition does not make it false!!!

For example, it is true that I like red. However, when I say that "I enjoy pain", I am making another subjective statement, one which is false.

Similarly, when people say "queer is a slur", they could be talking about it being an objective or a subjective slur. "Queer" is a subjective slur when you experience it as a slur. When someone says "I experience queer as a slur", we have no right to contradict them. They know how they feel, and their feelings are valid.

However, when people claim that "queer" is an objective slur, this is up to debate. When my friend said that muting "queer" would remove half of LGBT+ posts on the timeline, they were talking about "queer" being used in a positive way. This effectively demonstrates that *in the specific context of this community* "queer" is not an objective slur. If you mute the F-word, you would see considerably fewer posts disappear, and a good portion of them would be using the F-word as a slur.

And here's the interesting part: Why do people reclaim slurs? Should we reclaim slurs?

"Queer" is a reclaimed slur. So are "gay" and "lesbian" and the F-word. Some claim that slurs should never be reclaimed, because it normalises their use. It does normalise their use, that's what reclaiming slurs is for.

When "gay" and "lesbian" were reclaimed, there were no positive words with which to describe gay and lesbian people. This was notably described by Samuel R. Delany in his memoir.

Here's an example of the good that reclaiming a slur can do. In an interview, Judith Butler shared this anecdote:

"I was walking down the street [...] and a young woman who was I think in high school leaned out of her window and she yelled "Are you a lesbian?" And she was looking to harass me [...] And instead I turned around and I said "Yes, I am." And that really shocked her."

For me, this is the best, maybe the only reason, we reclaim slurs. I call myself "gay" and "queer" so that when people tell me "What are you, gay?" (which they have more often than they've called me "queer") I can reply "yes, I am."

"Yes, I am a fucking queer."

For me, just typing that feels incredible. My oppressor's weapon falls limply from his hand. What he was menacingly waving just a second ago has turned to rainbow dust, and now he's all covered in rainbow colours everywhere.

I spend a lot of time in the world of academia, where "queer" is used very widely. And when my cishet professors say "you could write a queer reading of this" or "you could take this course on queer theory", that feels like I won. Because the way they use "queer" shows them capitulating to my meaning of the word. Every time they use it in this way, they're repeating that queer is a good thing to be.

This brings us to the question of how "queer" in particular is used. There are two different strands to this. There is the academic usage of "queer", and its political usage. I'll begin with the political usage because it's more important, and I don't want to test your patience any longer.

I have seen people reflexively respond to any challenges to the word "queer" by saying that all opposition to its use advances the aims of TERFs. Let's take a look at why.

TERFs in the UK, where they are most active, have been using techniques to infiltrate the LGBT+ community, as we saw most prominently with this year's London Pride Parade. Since openly attacking all LGBT+ people is becoming increasingly difficult, TERFs have decided to divide us from the inside, and turn us against one another. To do this, they have chosen to attack the most vulnerable among us - trans women - and attempt to make them out to be separate from us as a group.

So you can see why they hate the word "queer", why they have been speaking out against its use while claiming to be part of the LGBT+ community. Because when we say "we're queer", we close ranks together, we accept to protect every one of our members equally, even if they are a different flavour of LGBT+ from us. "Queer" is a shield against these divisive tactics.

During a meeting, the leader of a TERF group said that one of their objectives is "to break up the alphabet soup." This operation is considerably harder if instead of being individual letters in an acronym, we come to fall under a single syllable.

There are, however, serious potential pitfalls to this use of "queer", and I am very glad that my friends and comrades who dislike the word have brought them to my attention.