gender stuff
someone told me once "gender is a performance" and i was like "well that's bs" but i think they meant unconsciously performing gender.
i'm always at odds with what's expected of me and what i tend to "perform." quotes there because it's an unconscious performance. ask me to confront someone, i'll go down a mood spiral of deeply bad thoughtfeels before i realize what's going on.
that's just one example but tbh lots of things i don't are asked of me bc of how i'm perceived
gender stuff
also i'm not saying "confrontation is a male thing" because it's not, but more in terms of tendencies and probabilities. i have confronted people; it doesn't make me more male to have done so
but it's more my feelings on it
just meandering thoughts idk, i just had the feeling of a mental tangle undoing itself
