family stuff (~) 

the weirdest thing was that last weekend made me realize i kind of want my parents to know me. to have some kind of relationship. i am pretty sure they'd accept me? but i'm bad at saying it out loud. i want to control everything, like how they understand trans and nonbinary, to manage those expectations. and then to tell them i'm trying HRT? ahahah

hgrmff. happy coming out day to everyone, i'm especially not a fan of holidays but y'all can have it =3

Show thread

self-care, exhaustion (~) 

ooooomf. the past month took more out of me physically/socially/psychologically than i expected, and i haven't been recovering right, i've been stressing about everything.

hey tanuki: realize that the stress you feel is a product of your social/physical exhaustion, stop trying to do things, chill. no plans. no 12-hour workdays if you can help it.

hey everyone else: daaaaang i finally beat Dead Cells (first ending???) woo

formal clothes (+) nosy family (-) 

good stuff: realizing I'm low-social and it wasn't just clothing-fueled dysphoria making me not want to deal with people in a formal setting.

bad stuff: people who I figured would Not Like my style asking me probing questions. getting assumed to be gay (not the fun expansive meaning of gay).

???? stuff: my dad says "tonight's a big night for you, isn't it?" without me having explained anything. I think he might be seeing me and it is so weird

Show thread
tanuki~ boosted

re: parents, trans coming out (~/βˆ…) 

for the first time since I moved out, I actually want to have a relationship with them. they're genuinely interesting, if maladapted, and something about that informs who I am. and I want to know what I missed.

Show thread

parents, trans coming out (~/βˆ…) 

I'm trying to just get to a point with my parents where I can say anything and like

my dad keeps talking over everyone and it's real hard to get a thought in without him talking about himself. hahahaha

I give myself permission to not do this today. to not do it tomorrow. I give myself permission to wait until i feel like I'm comfortable and they will listen. I give myself permission to not do it at all.

but

I turned on "autoplay gifs" and masto is 300% more magical now =O

I'm amidst travel again and my life doesn't quiet down til Tuesday aaaaaa

huuuge huge hugs and thankyous to @chuxen@queer.party again, and to everyone appreciating this tiny blinky tanuki!!

everyone knows my pronouns ahhhhhh! πŸ’–πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’–

look I just re-reblorped it because it's very important uwu πŸ˜ΈπŸ’–πŸ’•πŸ’“πŸ’œπŸ’™πŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’žπŸ’

anyway this got me thinking about "i With A Star" or "i With A Heart" because it would be really good

like also what about "i With A Fox Face"

Show thread

Petition To Add Lower Case "i" With A Star For The Dot To Unicode

did Marquee Moon get popular all of a sudden? like I've been standing under a speaker for for the full 10 minutes at a restaurant so I can groove to it. it's the second time in a month I've heard it out somewhere

like it's real good

but now??? it's 41 years old?

hrt, internal struggle (+) followup 

appointment was great, with my therapist basically facilitating a space where we could really share some feelings. and we did til we felt stopping. we were exhausted after,

all these little plastic fences i put around my life get melted down again and again. who's rebuilding them? my brain

i like to talk about my brain like it's an independent thing because it's not a bastion of reason and intelligence, it's a reactionary organ of misguided overprotection

Show thread

webcomic with triggering themes (+++) 

i'm also reading Drop-Out (BIG HUGE CW FOR suicidal themes and childhood trauma drop-out.webcomic.ws)

and it is amazingly good, the author/artist is amazing and i don't know who they are. the expressions. the fact that one of the characters can have two different expressions at the same time is is is is is

it

aaaaaaa

anxiiiettyyyy, hrt (-) 

bringing my partner to my gender therapist session tonight. we're on the same page about HRT, but she has concerns that she wants to talk through. and i want her to talk through! and we will have a voice of experience there. nothing about this isn't positive and Good

and i can do this, i know i can do this, but wow i have the biggest anxiety for literally no reason right now

financial (-) 

aaaaaaa reducing all my patreon contribs to $1, i want to keep going but i'll bump them back up when The Money Situation improves =n=

Show more
Computer Fairies

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!