i don't think i ever made much in my creative endeavours for my own self. it's always because i wanted it to be part of something bigger, or because i wanted others to like it. even if i internalize that, i wouldn't know *what* i would want to make for myself, it's so hard.
i started making music around 2007 or do through finding madtracker 2 and famitracker, and i think that was about the extent of when i composed just because i wanted to have stuff that sounded like other things but i was the one who made it. soon afterwards id join online compos
the competitions were harsh, i never really won many (or sometimes any) of them, but it switched me from making what i want into making what others want. optimizing my workflow to make the best possible result others will like. and that's when i started making contract work
and i kinda got the same way with visual arts too. i've had different computer drawing tablets since i was a kid in 2006 because i wanted to create, but as soon as i found a medium i can comfortably work in (pixel art) the first thing i did was open commissions for it
i don't draw or compose for myself anymore, but i don't think i ever did. and i wouldn't know how to start now
this should've probably been a blog post on my website, oops 😊
there's a few games out there w/ soundtracks penned by me, a couple of them even on Steam. and i think that's the point where i can't even recognize why i want to make music anymore. sometimes i'll write a really cool loop i can bop to for a while but never full minutes-long song