thinking about how i'm probably not who comes to people's minds when they talk about "trans twitter" or "furry twitter"
thinking about how i'm not allowed/invited to participate in any communities other than the ones i started and almost nobody else considers them their first communities so i'm basically out of a home online
thinking about how i'm probably nobody's first choice for anything
thinking about how i wish i was good enough for people to like me
thinking about how the track record of how ostracized from big communities i am makes it hard for me to believe anyone who tells me i'm not a bad person or not an abuser (which i've been branded by the people who ostracized me from said communities)
"have you considered that being gloomy in public all the time is driving people away" sorry what would you like me to say ah yes i love to be on the outside looking in i love to watch people who aren't me have fun doing things i wish i could be allowed to do
