i wish i also felt positive in being trans but for me it's all struggle and little payoff and seeing others celebrate it without me feels very othering

i've been on hrt for 8 years and all i got was this lousy t-shirt. i can't feel like one of the girls and i can't feel like one of the other girls either.

maybe i just won't fit in no matter what gender or homones i have in my meat shell.

@mavica_again i’m
never going to fit in either, but that was never my goal. I only wanted to be happy with myself

@bri_seven fitting in was never so much a goal as it is something i yearn for to be happy with myself

i'm a social creature. i've been left with nothing but my own devices for almost 3 decades. i want to be pestered. i want to be a part of something.

@mavica_again it’s been this way since i was 8. I am happier as a woman and that helps with being social, a lot. but I am convinced that “friend groups” or whatever are either a mythology, or something I probably don’t really wanna be a part of.

being queer means building your own space to be a part of.

@mavica_again you’re the regina george, her pathetic followers, or the lindsay lohan who just does a shit load of drugs, does gay, bees crimes, and hits the regina george with a bus.

I have made my choice

@bri_seven the reference is lost on me

@mavica_again you gotta go watch mean girls. consider it an essential part of womanhood

@bri_seven this is the othering part i meant

i suppose next you'll say i need catgirl programmer socks and a copy of the original c programming language reference

@mavica_again no, not as a marker, I’m serious. it’s actually based on a serious sociology book called “queen bees and wanna bees” that directly addresses your meloncholy about cliques

@mavica_again it is a movie about how to emotionally cope with the feeling of being othered by groups

@bri_seven shows how much i know, i thought it was a tv series.

i don't think i'll watch it. sorry i've had enough of being on the receiving side of it to watch a dramatization even if it has a deeper moral to it

@mavica_again suit yourself- it really helped me though! I now have a whole vocabulary for talking about these feelings of exclusion, and a whole alternative narrative that empowers me to feel completely fine about it