anyway as long as i'm pontificating to delay getting up and hard rebooting my ornery chromecast
i wish that society talked less about "attention-seeking" as a pure negative.
attention and social connection is a basic human need, like food or water or shelter. it's not bad in and of itself.
but it can *become* bad. that desire for it can become fucked-up, distorted, and can be expressed inappropriately.
but just because bulimia exists doesn't mean hunger is bullshit, yknow?
if we stopped viewing it as purely a negative impulse, it would make it a lot easier for people to learn how to be healthy with it, too
seeking human connection isn't a bad thing. it's just that people seem to only realize this need exists when they see it being expressed inappropriately and harmfully - in ways that hurt the person who has a need, and the people around that person.
it'd be like if we defined hunger and being hungry only through stealing your roomie's food. it's just strange.
bc honestly, as is pretty common with emotional needs, if all you're aware of and all you see as an example of someone asking for help with this need is the really fucked-up ways to do so, you're going to end up thinking that's the ONLY way to ask. it's like thinking food is either magically already on your table, or it's something you have to dupster-dive in the dead of night. people are going to be a lot less stressed about it if you just show them the grocery store and give them a cookbook.
unfortunately a lot of people are just stuck in - and are going to be stuck in - a cycle of "i have this need. it is valid. therefore, anything i do to fill it is valid. you can't stop me from filling this need." the only solutions they know of and know how to use are, well, bad ones.
i don't know how many would listen when told "this need is valid, but what you're doing - hurting people in order to fulfill it - is not". but at least there's hope in opening up the conversation, i think.
@wigglytuffitout I've seen a lot of this about money and work. Many really poor kids only know the harshest and worst kinds of wage labour, and reasonably think that working for money is dumb, so they steal to get what they want (which is usually the same that every kid their age wants).
The problem is that, far from the lofty Robin Hood-esque ideals we could have, they end robbing their family or neighbours, and isolating themselves from anyone that could help stop the trend.
this mostly means that people who have grown up only seeing people use unhealthy strategies will repeat them, and then it's just on repeat for another generation. the cycle of abuse continues. because nobody is speaking up and going "what if you didn't have to hurt yourself and/or other people in order to get this need met? this is a legitimate need, and there's much better solutions than hurt to this problem."
it means the bitter pill of accepting responsibility, but it's also worth it.