i think the tldr here is that i am gnashing my teeth rolling around howling because one of the suckiest parts of being disabled/etc. that nobody warns you about is the creative constipation. i have all these good thoughts roiling around in my head like excited eels but i can't make the words do well enough to pull them out and it is fuckin ASSBALLS my dudes
@wigglytuffitout THIS
THIS!!!!!!!!!!1
@InspectorCaracal IT IS THE LITERAL WORST
i feel like when i have spoons coming out of this i have to like.... warn people lmao. i have to be like "this is all the shit about being disabled i wish somebody had told me" because being dumb and not remembering good, okay, sure, i kinda got that. BUT BEING UNABLE TO CREATE??? INFINITE FUCKING ANGUISH
(honestly i think it's a big mental/physical disabled mood so join on in tbh, it's not like pain brain fog is that far off from all mental)
@InspectorCaracal and it's especially awful when you can just fEEL ALL THE LITTLE SHITS THERE
it's all ripe and ready to go!!!
it's just that you can't grab on to the fuckers and make it actually do the do onto the page out of sheer inability that goes way beyond writer's block. it's fuckin annoying as HELL
when will science fiction become reality so i can just beam my thoughts Directly To The Internet already
@InspectorCaracal GOD YES and then the phenomenon of like
yes great the words all line up, it all makes sense, and then as soon as you try to get your fingers to do, your body complains and it's like
the puzzle you've been carefully putting together is now all over the floor. all of the little bits fitting together are now in the shag carpet.
that is usually the point at which i just turn into a rain frog in sheer grump
@wigglytuffitout YEAH IT'S LIKE
THE STORY IS IN MY HEAD!! i have the whole shape of it and everything it is right there but I cannot turn it into WORDS ON A PAGE