i feel like i have just seen a downright terrifying level of Horse Girl that i can never aspire to achieve

@wigglytuffitout i feel like it says something deep and integral about me as a person that I looked at that image and my first thought was not "what the fuck who tries to do reiki healing on a horse" but rather, "I find this person's choices of chakra touch points to be Highly Questionable, especially the heart point right in front of the withers, I mean what is even up with that???"

@wigglytuffitout adorn your horse's show tack with purified crystals to smooth out the energy vibes while in the ring

@InspectorCaracal someone has one hundred fucking percent done this

@wigglytuffitout if i had thought of it as a fourteen year old

i would have done it

@InspectorCaracal just think of the thriving etsy business you coulda had by now

@wigglytuffitout ......wait

holy shit

@InspectorCaracal if you want to do this shit for racehorses

huge

fucking Huge.

you just have to find some modicum of success first, just enough to seem lucky, and rake in the cash

get cheap shit, hot-glue stones onto it, sell on etsy for massive profit probably to somebody in Arizona who goes by Ravyn Midnite

@wigglytuffitout race horses? harp

harp have you seen Western shows

@InspectorCaracal oh the western shows are an absolute given. that's your bread and butter right there

but if you want to have an embarrassment of riches, go read the auras of racehorses

offer a special internet divination to help people find the right stud baby-horse-batter to order

????, PROFIT

@wigglytuffitout that would be amazing

@wigglytuffitout i'm literally never going to do this but you know what I MIGHT do

I might write a book someday about someone who reads horse auras

@InspectorCaracal we've found THE PERFECT IMPLAUSIBLE YET TERRIFYINGLY PLAUSIBLE JOKE PROFESSION.

also may i suggest modern fantasy, person who does this wakes up one day to realize their scam has turned into "oh fuck what the fuck is that an aura oh FUCK"

@wigglytuffitout lmao no that's not really my style but you can have that one xD I would have it be Actual Aura Reading up front

real charms and stuff

@wigglytuffitout it's like the Dresden Files except instead of being a wizard private detective involved in the supernatural urban underground and crazy fairy shit, you're like

you run a tack shop and read auras and sell supernatural supplies in the back room to your Special Clientele

@wigglytuffitout there's an entire book about something weird going on at the local Tractor Supply

your favorite werewolf park ranger has gone missing and you have to track down what happened

@InspectorCaracal are they now a like fantasy equivalent of James Herriot (but now western) and also a detective novel

because i'd read the hell out of that