You can put together any image of how hard a disabled persons life is in your head you like, but it won't be remotely accurate unless you understand just how bored, how empty constant pain makes you, how drained and apathetic you can get when no effort makes it go away, and you'd rather just lay in bed all day because if you're going to be in pain and unable to do anything, you might as well be doing it laying down.
Tomorrow morning I will wake up alone in a bed meant for two, I will think about hurting myself as I make my coffee, maybe I'll eat, I'll suffer pain that I cannot bear and I'll only pass through it by becoming something that isn't a person anymore, by shedding enough of myself to not care that I can't do anything. I'll reply to people like Millie would any other day, I'll laugh with my partner and watch videos together and I will be in pain for every second of it.
Sometimes you desperately want to hurt yourself or even kill yourself just go have any agency over your pain for once, to be the one who decides how much pain you're in and why just for a bit. It's certainly not healthy but it feels like the only chance I'd ever get to have any control, and I can't say I'm not constantly tempted