you know I don't think I've ever felt gender euphoria.. one of the reasons I've yet to come out irl is just the great degree of stress it brings me... the idea of it even going well, because of all the changes required... super super stressful to me

last time I tried to come out, and it was going alright... I had so much anxiety I felt sick and I called it off and have never felt up to it again since... I dunno what that means that the idea of actually transitioning stresses me out so bad I feel physically ill

and yet always I still want it... it's a weird place to be stuck in, you know? the thought of being called a girl in person... it frightens me instead of making me happy for some reason... all I can ever find within myself is that it's because it's a big change

the other thing is like... I always kind of feel like this is a private thing... I have so much family that my transition would always have to be on display and at the scrutiny of quite a lot of people and I don't like that either

I guess I wish I had more privacy in being trans

I wish it could just happen and I wouldn't have to hear from my family about it

@fluttergirly that's super relatable tbh.. I just about died from anxiety when I came out

I mean, it was nice to get it over with and it definitely felt like there was a weight lifted... but getting to that point wasn't easy :/

The amount of social pressure that we have to deal with sometimes can just be downright shattering. It kiiiinda sucks

I hope at the end of the day that your family is supportive, and that they don't get weird or hyper focused on things when the time comes

@Chel well as I said, I did come out before, and very quickly undid it because it was too much for me ;;