Modern Man @ModernManJimHuttz@computerfairi.es

As far as they can tell I'm just another homeless man being puppeteer-ed by a cluster of rats. Good.

Hanging images of Pac-man around my home to repel the rubes.

For just ten bags of teeth, I will show you my Carbon Monoxide collection

The Music Man just walked over the boxes like he was Jesus walking on water. What were they trying to prove by putting them there to begin with? It's a health hazard, and it just ruins the view, too.

Flash your incisors or toss a few in a bag to Eris. Either way, you gotta pay.

Surround your loved ones and prized-possessions in a protective ring of canines.

Apple Cider

Stop bringing your baby into the speakeasy. It'll sound like Louis Armstrong by the time it's ten with all the second-hand smoke.

Bacteria: Can smoke where it wants and nobody notices

When Mr. Krabs enters your home, bow to him slightly and pay him his service.

Has anyone ever slapped a starfish between burger buns?

My ideal job: A radio host for a station nobody is legally allowed to tune into. Or a Dentist.

Sci-fi utopia novels are the greatest scam on this flat earth.

It is ill-advised to put your full weight on a Brillo box. It is ill-advised to put any weight on a Brillo box.

New York hasn't been the same since the streets were flooded with fucking Brillo boxes.

My big secret plan to transport 400KGs of cigars under the guise of a dada-ist exhibit is making viable progress

My Neighbour came knocking on my door with a fake grin and a "No Smoking" sign hidden behind his back along with a hammer and some nails. I socked him one.

The Floorboards.

This is my lawn. There are many like it, but this one is mine. No, I won't cut it. No, I won't return the lemur to the local zoo. Get out.

Can I get a table in the back? This isn't a no smoking establishment, right? Can I put my feet up on the table? Nobody will come to me and say "Sir this is a family establishment"?