Food, caps, powerthirst style bullshit inside, memetic hazard
Broats! It's Oats, but for MEN!!!!!!
FORTIFIED with ESSENTIAL VITAMINS AND MINERALS
That's like POWERUPS IN VIDEOGAMES and ROCKS AND SHIT
THAT'S HOW MANLY YOU'LL BE, CRUNCHING ON ROCKS SO BRODACIOUSLY IT'LL MAKE YOU EVEN MANLIERRRRR
porridge??? GET THAT GOLDILOCKS CRAP OUTTA HERE!!! That's for LITTLE GIRLS who RUN AWAY FROM BEARS
With BROATS, you go into the Bears house and then THEY BECOME YOUR SERVANTS IN YOUR NEW BEAR STAFFED HOUSE!
Food, caps, powerthirst style bullshit inside, memetic hazard
What's that?? Broats contain regular oats? YEAH WHAT ABOUT IT?! THEY'RE DELICIOUUUUUUS
plus you forgot about VITAMINS AND MINERAAAAAAALLLLSSSS
You thought we were done with just that?
HELL NO
we FORTIFIED it even more with LITERAL FORTIFICATIONS
Now just buying BROATS requires you to singlehandedly besiege a castle! REAL MEN ONLYYYYY!!! (trebuchetsiegeenginesarmourswordandbatteringramsoldseparately)
Evil Gremlin part of my brain: :)
Me and good Gremlin part of my brain: ....
Me:... Actually...
G1: yeah that was actually pretty funny, ngl.
G2: :)... Wait what :|
Me: yeah that hypermasc over the top bullshit is hilarious honestly, I love parodying how ridiculous it is.
G1: ya! That was a great idea!
G2: D: n-nooo
Food, caps, powerthirst style bullshit inside, memetic hazard
Still not enough for you? FUCK YOU WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
but don't worry, we here at BROATS know what our customers really want.
A BREAKFAST THAT WILL PUT HAIRS ON YOUR CHEST. Inside every box of delicious nutritious BROATS is A FREE JAR OF PROTEIN POWDER. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT GOT IN THEEEEERREEEEE
buy BROATS today! GET MAAAAANLYYYYYY