Ren - Moved to chitter.xyz @Nine@computerfairi.es

oh also speaking of playing a free mobile game called Dead Target which is a ...shooting gallery fps thing that you shoot zombies in?

It's... not terrible, but there's a wonderful wonderful bug which has lead to me purchasing items that would normally cost £50 for free because you can also buy them with ingame currency and...

This bug means I can get infinite chests for free which drop said ingame currency fairly regularly :3

THEN there's War and Order and other strategy games(?) that ALL use the exact same trailer. I mean the exact same. You see a kinda averagely modelled bald 3d dude mine some rocks or chop some trees (or both) then he goes to a fence, sets, rotates and hammers one section of fence, then rotates an already in place section and hammers it, then places a gate, goes through, sets spiked barricades, then shoots some mobs with some other guys, dropping rotating resources.

Then there's Klondike and various clones where it always does the same thing, though seems to be about "how can I get away with massive insurance fraud by pouring what is obviously crude oil onto this blazing barn which SOMEHOW explodes like it's C4 and takes out the sawmill next to it oh well time to ignore that and feed the nearby cow some hay."

I've seen similar, though in a different format, for Homescapes/Gardenscapes, Matchington Mansion, and now Lucy's Garden I think it's called? All match 3 games where you have an isometric perspective...

...except the ads all show NOTHING related to the gameplay, just kinda crude drawings of the characters as if animated in flash where the "player" makes a choice of various options to pass obstacles and ends up "failing" due to a bafflingly daft choice.

slides onto the right side of the screen, and gameplay is displayed on it involving said character in this new form, with the same cursor clicking things on said phone.
then it fades out and you get a scrolling background wiht the logo of the game showing up on it.

ye'ever notice that... like... mobile ads for certain games seem to be.... exactly the same???

like the exact same advert, just with different resources??

for example: I've seen ads for Empire and Puzzles (match 3 gatcha game), AND Crush Them All! (an idle clicker game) which use the exact same ad. they BOTH show a character, and several bits of equipment. a cursor drags each equipment piece onto the character in turn, then clicks a button, transforming them into a new form, then a phone

if memory serves they made them instanced after a while but still. god. fuck. why.

(also the controls did NOT easily support the platforming. at all. god it was painful at times)

on its own, those platforming sections were brutally hard, but actually kinda cool? I loved finding them, it was like little hidden secrets...

but the fact the loot wasn't instanced at first was like "FFFFUCK WHY" because especially on some of the harder ones you could literally spend ages trying to figure out the puzzle and the secret and then... get nothing for all those hours. It was torturous.

frig.

just got reminded of the jumping puzzle sections in guildwars 2.

like

someone took an mmo
and decided that "hey you know what, let's have third person platforming sections for bonus loot in an mmo!... what?... instancing of the loot? pfff fuck no. who needs that?"

...doing all those goddamn platforming jumps only to find out you're stuck waiting for a damn chest to respawn.

...i just realised

I only know the quote about "Do we have wormsign??" from Dune as a direct result of a game called Kingdom O' Magic (this game which is... ... not good? it was pretty terrible) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_O%27_Magic

...I mean I literally read the book Dune. I watched the original film too.

but nope, some kinda naffy parody adventure game is what got the quote stuck in my head

but first, let's play a round of

SLEEPY
OR
BEEPY

*gameshow muzak so cheesy you could serve it with wine*

goob nipe

okay tim for beb