@actuallyautistic
I'm fairly sure I'm not alone in this, as a late realised autistic person:
Now that I know I'm autistic, even some pretty painful experiences have a sort of positive undertow.
For example, when I, once again, blurt out something totally oblivious to the social situation I'm in and then do the usual OMG why do I do that cringe dance, there's also a part of me going * yay more proof that I really am autistic!!!!! *
@Zumbador @actuallyautistic
Couldn't agree more. Not only does knowing allow us to look back with a lot more kindness and grace. But it also allows us to deal with today with far more understanding. It's so much easier dealing with honest mistakes, misunderstandings and so many of our "moments" without automatically going into lashing ourselves with guilt and self-hatred and shame mode.
@Pathfinder @Zumbador @actuallyautistic IME, "guilt and self-hatred and shame mode" is the main downside of being #AuDHD. My worst (those which caused the greatest offence) faux pas come back to me even after decades have passed. I wish there was a way to consign them to a well-deserved resting-place. Any thoughts, anyone?
@thecatwasnot @Pathfinder @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
What's to process? I made mistakes, and can't seem to learn how to live with them. 😰
@PatternChaser @thecatwasnot @Pathfinder @actuallyautistic I'm not the person you asked - but I have this problem too.
What's to process?
Sometimes, it's questioning the premise whether or not you made a mistake at all. Sometimes it's looking at the situation and checking if you are trying to claim control of a situation that was out of your control to begin with. Sometimes, it's finding the funny side of it even though there was pain. Sometimes it's realising that you're judging yourself so hard because you judge *other people* so hard, and now your own judegment has come to bite you in the butt so maybe you need to be kinder to others as well as to yourself? Accept that people, including you, are fallible, and that it's ok to make mistakes?
What usually works for me is to just tell myself "you know what, that thing I did was not so bad, I've done MUCH worse things than that," and then move on to distracting myself immediately. For some reason that takes the sting out of it for me.
@Zumbador @PatternChaser @thecatwasnot @Pathfinder @actuallyautistic
"realising that you're judging yourself so hard because you judge *other people* so hard"
One of the most difficult things for me to do is give myself the same benefit of the doubt that I give to other people. I've always judged myself more harshly than I do anyone else. But I'm trying.
