On the phone with the company managing my 401(k), and he keeps tap-dancing on my last nerve till I snap.
No, you're not looking out for my welfare, your company wants to make money for itself. *You* are legally required to make money for your company. I don't even enter the picture. Don't pretend you care about my retirement, you care about your next bonus. Every fund offered is a gamble, and your company keeps losing - with my money!

Meltdown achieved. Thanks for that.