@asbestos
@hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @hellomiakoda @Adventurer

Yes, it's societal and systemic. The society expect is to act has a patriarchal society with all the expectations like being more social for the women.

This implies a bias on how we see the person. So if a girl didn't socialize, we will push her. If she socialize with masking heavily, we will say "it's fine". We need to deconstruct all of this and will find the female autists. The numbers will be completely different for the good of every autist.

@Autistrain @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

The number of times Ive been given demands to "smile more" comes to mind.
I dont even know if my fake smile is convincing. I suspect its not.

@hellomiakoda @Autistrain @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

in school (especially high school), I was always more drawn to girls who didn't smile all the time...

@woozle @Autistrain @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

People who always smile make me very nervous. My brain interprets constant smiling as an act, they're hiding their intent, a potential threat.
I don't mean an event is going on and they smiled all day. I mean when they're someone I see regularly, and they are smiling at all times.

@hellomiakoda

"I'm furious at you now."

"If you say so, but why the smile?"

"I don't know... maybe because I'm a psychopath, and I'm about to eat you. [Licks lips.]"

@woozle @Autistrain @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

I stopped counting at how many people were mad at me because I didn't smile or "I didn't show my emotions".

It's amaze me how people want to control you and conform you to the so-called "accepted norm".
@yourautisticlife
@hellomiakoda @woozle @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

@Autistrain

In *some* context, I advise following the norm, and that's coming from someone who does not like norms.

My go-to example is profile pictures, especially on dating apps. I mean, yeah, if I get with someone, and they are not specially smiley, I won't get on their case. However, I think in the profile it is better to smile. This, for me, means taking selfie after selfie. It also means that I don't have pictures of myself in a group, alas.

Conversely, I can't give a rat's ass about clothing. So I'm wearing a fedora, a Panama hat, or a flat cap in all my pictures, cargo pants, and my usual shirts. There's no picture of me in a suit, for instance. (Ick!!!!!!!) My pictures make me look old-fashioned. I'm definitely not, but some people find that look cozy, so... 🤷 I still manage to match with people who don't try to stuff me into a suit.

@hellomiakoda @woozle @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

@yourautisticlife @Autistrain @hellomiakoda @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

The idea of "dating" has always been kinda alien to me, so...

@woozle @yourautisticlife @Autistrain @hellomiakoda @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

Spending time with a person I like in a comfortable context: Yay.

Spending time in a situation that seems designed for both parties to evaluate each other for sexual interest and tolerable personality: Yuck.

@wakame

Yeah, well. The way I'm wired, I need to care for someone. End of story. I cared for my ex-wife for 26 years. I need to care for someone else now.

Right now, I only date on the dating apps, because I'm pansexual, polyamorous, and into BDSM. Sometimes people suggest that "I go out." I mean, there's the autism problem, but even ignoring that, the chances that I'm going to happen to just run into a compatible match are pretty slim.

I expect to be able to meet people with my interests in real life at some point, but that takes time. You need to introduce yourself to a group, go to multiple events, etc., etc. (Again, just going up to some bar does not work for me.)

I definitely prefer to have adored and been stabbed in the back, than not. (Yes, this is the extreme-edition of the "have love, and lost" proverb.) This is exceedingly painful, but all my relationships, even the utter disasters, have taught me something about myself, and the world, that I would not have known otherwise.

I'll go as far as saying that I'm a better Zen Buddhist for it. I've learned to set the ego aside and listen, even when my partner throws shit at me.

However, I do recognize that not everyone wants to deal with this.

@woozle @Autistrain @hellomiakoda @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

@yourautisticlife @wakame @Autistrain @hellomiakoda @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer

I definitely agree with the whole "caring for someone" thing, and "better to have loved and been stabbed in the back".

I just don't get "dating".

@woozle

Maybe I don't get it either, actually. :madjoy:

I don't know. The dating bit is to get to know each other a little bit. I always say that I need to know you before we get down to business, but for me that can happen pretty fast. So fast, that we typically get down to business on the first date. (Not always, however.)

And yes, that means exposing myself to people incompatible with me. I was in a six-month relationship with a Republican. She's the one I adored and then stabbed me in the back. She did not reveal being a Republican until months into the relationship. She was **extremely** open about other things, however, on our very first date. She told me stuff that happened to her that would have made a lot of people turn around.

Do I regret this relationship? On the one hand she did stab me. On the other hand, I learned a huge deal with her about being a Dominant. Our compatibility in bed was through the bloody roof. Better than with my ex-wife (I hate to say this, because my ex-wife was lovely when we were at our best), and better than with the few people I've been with since. So... 🤷

@wakame @Autistrain @hellomiakoda @asbestos @hosford42 @sal @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @Tooden @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @markusl @johnettesnuggs @sentient_water @Adventurer