So my mother died. Not unexpected, because she was in her 80s, but not expected because we haven't spoken for about 10 years. I feel like I'm balancing on a point, ready to fall off, but I don't know which way I'm going to fall. How do I feel about this? Truly, deeply, have absolutely no idea.
Alexithymia is real, right now.
It take a long time. Both of my parents died during the height of the pandemic after 10+ years of very limited contact.
Three years on and I'm still sorting out how I feel - both about the relationships and their absence.
My therapist reminded me that I don't have to be able to articulate my feelings in order to feel them. Sometimes you just need to sit and feel them. . .
That feeling in the air, just before a storm? Kind of a stillness, but with an energy that crackles, like lightning? That's what I'm feeling. And that's all I'm feeling right now.
