question to @actuallyautistic
depressed ones, is the narrative "what a useless dumb shit you are, freak that shouldn't have been born" ever go away? i recently discovered that apparently it's not a thing always in a background for other humans. it seems to be forgotten when i hyperfocus on some random bullshit that brings joy, but what about you?
@lexx3000 @actuallyautistic Yeah no sorry to say it’s still always there. Mutes itself when I am absorbed in tasks or work or otherwise happily outwardly-engaged, thankfully. I’ve started reminding myself that my own brain doesn’t always look out for my own best interest, and to take some distance on that narrative and question it when I find the spoons for such reflection. It’s living with a perpetually grumpy and abusive mental gremlin. Ugh.
@arisummerland @lexx3000 @actuallyautistic
Pro tip: Ask yourself who gave you that gremlin. Because it's not a thing we were born with. But when powerful people treat us like shit, and we need to stay safe and not go nuts at this injustice, we create a gremlin that keeps us from questioning the lie that we deserve this treatment.
Give that gremlin some sweets and ask it: 'Who have you been protecting me from all this time? Could we be friends instead? Wanna hang out and listen to some music?'
@tine_schreibt @arisummerland @actuallyautistic that's cute, but i can't really pinpoint. maybe extreme poverty where i was born, when i was actually an extra mouth to feed and none of biological parents wanted me. but then the endless circling through homelessness, abuse and stuff. i sort of determined at some point that it's mostly targeted on the child me, so likely something from early days. i'll think about it, thank you
@lexx3000 @tine_schreibt @arisummerland @actuallyautistic i have a picture of me as a child on my phone background, and when i see it, i send some love to that child, and try to be that parent for myself and my kids that i needed but didn't get. I know it seems corny, but it's been life changing helpful for me. My gremlin is trying to protect me from my parents. That's how i became empathic, learning to read my parents' emotions and emotionally regulate others so i don't get hurt.
I do that with my parrot and dogs. They get the love and understanding I wish I'd gotten.
