Looking for recommendations: what do you do when you get stuck figuring out what emotion(s) you're feeling?
My mother died a few days ago. Our relationship was toxic, and we haven't spoken for years. I know I'm feeling something, from the tense crackling inside, but I don't know what it is.
When people in my family have died (father, mother, brother), I sometimes tended to have delayed reactions due to my autism and trauma. It took a while, maybe weeks, months, even years for feelings to come up and be felt in all the complexity that involves a parent or sibling.
I didn't have the best relationship with my mother (and brother). It took awhile in her case for all the emotions to arise. It hit me again, years later when I found myself grieving her death as if my emotions had just surfaced, with new understanding of all that happened.
Autistic grief can be different. Delayed, complex. But no less impactful in my case. I'm still learning new things about them and my relationships with them.
@obrerx
My father's death gave me the first indication that something was "wrong", because I didn't grieve like "normal people".
@ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic
I understand that. Someone incredibly important to me died, and it took me about 6 months before I cried for the first time. Before that I was just kind of neutral.
In my mother's case, because it was complicated, I think I'm a mix of angry, resentful, and sad. Sad for what should have been, but wasn't.
