Tarale @Tarale@computerfairi.es

I don't think she realises that every time she acts like I'm mental she erodes my ability to trust her.

Like, the judgement hurts, but on a practical level, I need someone I can trust to babysit. She desperately wants to be our babysitter.

But I need to know that she won't just keep him up "because he wants to spend time with us" and "I'm wearing him out so he sleeps better".

I need to know that if I trust her to take care of him, I won't have three days of sleep catchup work to do afterwards. Or I won't have to re-train him to sleep independently.

I keep asking myself why it matters to me what she thinks. Why I need her validation on this so badly.

Part of it is just that I hate feeling judged like I'm just some kind of high strung weirdo all panicked about sleep problems that don't exist.

But also… if she doesn't take this stuff seriously, and she wants to babysit for me… is she really someone I can TRUST??

Every time I'd point out that he was sleeping badly because he was overtired and had a massive sleep debt, she'd purse her lips and look at me like I was growing a second head.

Every time I'd mention that he needs routine and she just can't disrupt it and do whatever she wants, she'd act like I was having some kind of anxiety delusion.

But now he is finally starting to have longer naps and sleep through the night better.

Feeling pretty vindicated by the fact that the baby's sleep has become more stable after I did all the work to get fix the overtiredness and help him get to sleep independently.

Mother in law was going on about how he's just "special" and "different" and doesn't need all the sleep the experts said, and overtiredness isn't a thing and he's just "difficult" (which she's so proud of). Acting like I'm nuts.

I knew what was going on. I'm not crazy.

toothy-peg

I sent my husband to get ice cream from the kitchen and he's just fucking with his open source voice assistant
JUST GET ME MY ICE CREAMmmmmmmm its got roast almonds in the chocolate and it's toffee flavoured and I need it

THE BABY SLEPT
BY HIMSELF
TWICE IN ONE DAY
AFTER A 10 HOUR STRETCH AT NIGHT
I AM VERY CONFUSED
AND CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC

I miss being able to have a drink. Just… have one. Without having to think about when I'll need to breastfeed. Without having to set a timer. Without having to worry about how much booze is in it, or if I can have a second one if I like. I miss that slight break my brain gets from a glass of wine.

Babies are the weirdest little people. Oh, he went to sleep on his own for the first time in months.

Oh no, there's been an upset! He's kicked his mother in the teeth and fallen off. Very disappointing, folks.

Time again for the breastfeeding gymnastics, and today the reigning champion, Mr 7 months, will be attempting the 360° titty swing. Very difficult manoeuvre, as he must stay attached the whole time, while rotating his arse over his mother's head. Let's see if he can pull it off…

Baby has entered sleep catchup mode, which is lovely for me, but also vaguely anxiety inducing, as it's usually followed by some sleep problems.

I have been up since 3.40am because baby.

oh jesus fuck
my new coffee smells almost like caramel ♥️

When you mention that you're displeased with her, and that it's taken this long to correct the baby's sleep, she makes it plain that's because I'm a bad mother…

She messed up his sleep on Thursday and it's Tuesday now and we're still not sure we've fixed it.

She doesn't think she did anything wrong.

I'm still so mad at my mother in law for disrupting the baby's sleep twice in one day. She insists she was "tiring him out" for me, so he'd sleep better, but that's not how baby sleep even works.

THE BABY IS ACTUALLY FUCKING ASLEEP

The baby is actually fucking asleep