Tarale @Tarale@computerfairi.es

I'm sure for some people it's easy to manage the reciprocity but I just… can't get it right. I don't know how to talk to people.

I know I have a tendency to take over conversations so I've just… not been talking about myself at all. I don't want to butt in at an inappropriate moment, or take over, or make something all about me, so I just… listen and be supportive and shut myself away.

I don't think I'm mean or rude or anything. I've experienced a lot of unkindness so I try not to be unkind to others. But I guess I'm also kind of weird and awkward no matter how hard I try not to be. I have a few friends but I'm very disconnected from them, especially since the baby was born. My relationships have become one-sided as I've shut myself off more and more.

I don't mean to, but I obviously put people off, so that explains a lot of… things. And when I feel the slightest bit of social rejection I go and self-isolate so that doesn't help. And it's probably going to just keep happening.

Well… if I am on the autism spectrum, as I suspect, then it explains why I never fit in anywhere. And it also kind of dashes my hopes of *ever* fitting in anywhere too.

Researching adult autism more thoroughly. Have researched what goes into getting a diagnosis and why I'd want one (I mean, besides just my uncertainty), but also just want to read more about it in general.

I am now pretty sure, but there's more research I'd like to do before I make any kind of self-diagnosis. Like asking my mum a bunch of questions about my childhood, for starters.

Started kind of using Habitica again to at least write down the sheer amount of stuff I have to do.

I got to have a small sleep in today. The baby woke, I nursed him, and then his daddy took him and I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head and zzzzz

Feeling better. Needed the rest.

Sleep is good.

I suspect that I'm autistic and every time I mention it my friends (and especially my husband) discourage me from the idea of getting a diagnosis. :/

Blehhhhh.

Back to the part of meditation where I put off meditating because??????

Like, why do I procrastinate about something that I ultimately enjoy????

French toast is good.

But seriously, go enjoy some coffee or chocolate, right now, while you can.

Or it is right now before global warming destroys it, along with chocolate, and everything else I love.

YAY GOOD MORNING EVERYONE I AM SO CHEERFUL TODAY

Coffee is good.

Sleep is good.
Get more sleep. It helps.

Very sleepy?
Very sleepy.

Ace?
Ace.
Ace??

Wine!