74 @asahi@computerfairi.es

i am so glad i went outside to see the sky tonight

it would help if when i was excluded and hurt from some place my reaction wasn't leaving

broken statue of a forgotten goddess...

i wonder how much is actually executive dysfunction, how much physical illness, how much mental illness and dysphoria... and how much just, fear of my family

i love music boxes and kind of want to compose on them...

but i'm terrible at that. despite being easily influenced by it somehow making music is incomprehensible to me

i feel i am too broken to belong anywhere
i am too broken to be able to talk as it is

at a point youre too miserable that being around anyone feels you shouldnt

i cant reach out for help because i literally do not know how to
let alone where is adequate or who could help

im too broken to be a person and say anything

.

why am i so tired all the time

im so tired

so tired

or rather, not exactly that

but of leaving my family and terrible life, and to this ray of a possible future, of this air away from my helicopter abusive family
of becoming a better person, who i'd like to be... that kind of hope...

which, are also some of the themes of that game

pokemon black is important to me because i played it when i was going somewhere with transition and my life, when i was full of hope and able to transition and be feminine

so in part a lot of feelings for that time are attached to it

sometimes i associate pokemon with gender feelings due to coincidences

most of the important times involving gender happened i was playing pokemon, sometimes through it

like my family not watching what things was i playing letting me play a girl and indulge myself entirely in things i like
actually a lot of it is less pokemon in itself and more they not watching, i suppose...

i just want to like things...
to engage with things i like and be cute and
make things
and talk about things

and just
not be like this

- albw zelda

im gay girls and also ace girls which means i am very girls

i used to love how it was morning quickly in summer
the faint daylight through the window at the time consciousness fell on dreams

but nowadays... it's a reminder of how fast time goes... i miss that moment for awfulness, and it's just plain daytime by the time i go to sleep

a small space goddess
with an affinity to dawn flowers and sky dragons and nocturnal moths

ah yes, I love yuri, it's so sweet and cute fantasy romance
*reads autobiographies of lesbians with depression detailing how awful everything is*
it's nice to disconnect from everything sometimes
*it's all reminders of painful relatable experiences*