Aura @aura@computerfairi.es

In better news, I've figured out exactly how I'm going to get HRT without involving the NHS. I realise this'll come as news to nobody but me. I've been too scared to look into it until now because I was terrified the NHS (notorious wait times for gender affirming care) would be the only way.

All geared up to come out to my partner and fucking PagerDuty strikes.

Or maybe this is just me coming out of standby mode. The skin on my hands isn’t being destroyed by the cold weather like it usually is… Is this a normal metabolism? 🫴🦋

Coming out to just one friend had the opposite affect to what I expected, even though he was super supportive. Normally (or at least, historically) my resting heart rate has been closer to 50bpm.

I find myself, once again, stuck in bed catastrophizing.

@cwebber mmm delicious entropy

Oh fuck. What? Why are you looking at me like that!?

@cwebber I found the Easter egg!

@mavica_again imagining the sick stunts he could pull with that crowbar.

I think this makes us friends now though.

This asshole flew at me once to see if I'd flinch. I did not (because I am gormless but it didn’t know that) and it had to veer off.

I should post about something else. Here’s another corvid. This time a rook that lives near me.

This was easy mode though. I was already pretty sure he’d do well. Family is going to be very challenging.

My poor friend had no idea what I was going to say. Goodness knows what went through his mind while I was struggling to get it out! When I did though, he aced it. Top marks. No notes.

I mean, it was a hell of a rush too! I was visibly shaking for ages afterwards. It felt like being a teenager and confessing my love to someone and finding out they’re into me too, but x1000000.

Looking back on this after a couple of days. I wonder what I looked like as I said it. I spent at least a minute wrestling with my own head and failing to say it before I could get it out *after* I had made the decision to do it. I guess that’s just what it was like for me to overcome decades of firewalling. I also wonder what it’ll be like the next time.