Aura @aura@computerfairi.es

I feel shit and it's probably because Canada gave me fucking covid again.

It’s pretty cold. Let’s improve things by taking a transatlantic flight to Canada.

I've been quiet for a while. It's been a week. But! Nothing bad, really. Just a lot.

Ok so my mood took a tumble. This process is hard. I’m so glad I’ve got all this free testosterone so I can tough it out. Fuck.

Hey Siri, can you rewrite this thread in a way that means someone comes up to me with a pudding cup and says sorry?

That all said, I think I'm going to tell my brother. We rarely actually talk, but we're still somehow quite close and I think he'll be supportive.

I mean, there's going to be a shitstorm. I announced my marriage to my partner on Facebook (yeah yeah, it was 2012, fuck off) for shits and giggles and was in the bad books for months.

I want to get across that I care what each person thinks, but not enough to debate them or have a bad faith conversation. I don't want to lose anyone, but if I do it's not on me. The FAQ should cover all the important bits. If they have questions after that then I'll be patient and humour them.

I'm out to my partner. Friends will be next, family (mum, dad, step-parents...) are more complicated. I'm thinking of putting an FAQ on my site so I can just say:

Hey. I'm trans! My name is Aura. My pronouns are now she/her. I realise this is a lot to process. Read the FAQ at this link.

In better news, I've figured out exactly how I'm going to get HRT without involving the NHS. I realise this'll come as news to nobody but me. I've been too scared to look into it until now because I was terrified the NHS (notorious wait times for gender affirming care) would be the only way.

All geared up to come out to my partner and fucking PagerDuty strikes.

Or maybe this is just me coming out of standby mode. The skin on my hands isn’t being destroyed by the cold weather like it usually is… Is this a normal metabolism? 🫴🦋

Coming out to just one friend had the opposite affect to what I expected, even though he was super supportive. Normally (or at least, historically) my resting heart rate has been closer to 50bpm.

I find myself, once again, stuck in bed catastrophizing.

Oh fuck. What? Why are you looking at me like that!?

I think this makes us friends now though.

This asshole flew at me once to see if I'd flinch. I did not (because I am gormless but it didn’t know that) and it had to veer off.