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mh 

So, now this gives me a new way of looking at it, and of dealing with it. Trying to treat anger is just treating a *symptom*. I actually need to be dealing with anxiety.

Of course, not all anger is anxiety, and sometimes it does need to be treated as anger without underlying anxiety. So, I suppose the next challenge, along with figuring out coping strategies, is learning the difference.

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mh 

For those unaware, the anger-assault cycle isn't so much a cycle as it is the path anger takes: Trigger->escalation->crisis->recovery->post-crisis. The odd things about those panic attacks were that they seemed to skip recovery, which should normally take *at least* 45 minutes. Analyzing it as anxiety means there's not recovery phase that's getting skipped. I'm just falling out of a panic attack. Well, crashing out, as it were, but still.

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mh 

Today I learned that panic attacks can take more than one form. Sure, I have the kind where my brain shuts down and I kinda just start crying, but I've also got another, more subtle kind. I can also fall into a panic attack that looks very much similar to flying off the handle in anger. So, until today, I'd treated that (thankfully rare) occurrence as anger, when I should have been trying to calm anxiety. It also kinda explains why those times didn't quite follow the anger-assault cycle.

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me, while HOLDING my phone: dammit where'd i put my phone

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Let's make 2020 the year we stop teaching children how to be employable and instead teach children how to be healthy people

I gotta admit, as a physics student, reading this hurt. Remember kids, just because you're knowledgeable in one field doesn't mean your knowledgeable in others.

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if you are sad i will use my special Mew Mew Power to cheer you up! ✨ :blobcatreach:

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this year was half good and half a dumpster fire

that applies to the decade too now that I think about it

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trans thoughts 

here's an occasional reminder to nobody in particular that there's no such thing as being "transtrender", and gatekeeping being trans is the best way to stop people who are trans from figuring out who they are

It's funny. Towards the beginning of the decade, I thought, "I'm straight, but I'd totally fuck the right guy." As it turns out, I'm gay, but I'd totally fuck the right guy. Maybe even date him uwu

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It's 2020, bitches. 2019 (and that entire decade) can, quite frankly, suck my rather large foxgirl dick

alc 

Your periodic reminder that whiskey is absolutely disgusting and only deserves to be consumed with something else masking its flavour

no context 

"That was an astounding success...right up until I did *that*."

Lewd 

Sometimes, my cockiness gets the best of me.

Some say that shortly after, someone decided to take up the challenge, and Lilix was never heard from again.

Pkmn...X 

Fun fact: In Pokémon X, I had something called "The Bee-Team". It was literally a Vespiqueen and five Combees. It was glorious.

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Wondering about explaining it to my parents via an interrogative like:

"You didn't wake up one day and decide to be a girl did you?"
<expected answer: no>
"But if someone called you a man it would feel wrong, wouldn't it?"
<expected answer: yes>
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