at the GIC I was asked if, when I'd had transitioned, I would wear exclusively dresses and high heels, and – without pause – if not, why the hell not?!

they told me they had to ask this, because sometimes they got "these autistic types you think you can just change your name, and bam, you're a woman now"

they required me to transition socially before they would offer me any sort of treatment, including laser, meaning they wanted me to transition with *a full beard*

remember that, to them, an important part of "being a woman" was "wearing dresses and heels", so they were essentially requiring me to wear dresses and heels with a full beard for *months* – I'm not sure if they had any idea what danger that would've put me in

they kept the interviews going for a year and a half: "can you draw yourself as a woman?", "where would you put yourself on this gender line?", "how do you use your genitals during sex?", "do people penetrate you anally?", "have you considered you might just be gay?", "have you considered you might just be autistic?", "have you considered this might just be a response to trauma?"

finally, the psychiatrist relented, and told me that I would be allowed to start HRT, but only anti-androgens, since he expected I might end up changing my mind – essentially, he was giving me puberty blockers – and said he wouldn't give me estrogen unless I could prove to him I could give up testosterone for at least six months – still, after all this time, it was SOMETHING, it was a win

but in the end, it wasn't ANYTHING – the prescription never came through, and he stopped replying to my queries and my requests for appointments – I was ghosted by my psychiatrist