want to do development work, but I put windows on everything in one of my "I am giving up coding" moments that turned out to be bullshit

no really. i put windows on everything. my storage drive. my os drive (ofc). my game drive. my sex drive. all the cars i might drive. i put windows on my shoes. on my phone. on my switch. on my everything. even on my wife. im sorry @Chel

so. now, i need to undo this. how can i cure a windows infestation? vms are too laggy for me, btw.