Whew, hey, thanks for handling my anxiety earlier well. I think a necessary part of me getting through this is actually gonna involve me actually working through it -on this site- instead of retreating to twitter to vent about it. I have to actually feel like i can be myself here and not just be a cultivated and distilled image of my best parts at all times, both by feeling like it’s acceptable and having an established pattern of how to even go about doing it mechanically.

I need to build habits and learn patterns and develop trust that I’m NOT gonna fuck up if i stop being vigilant for a moment

And frankly — that anxiety and fear and hypervilance is a great way for me to feel resentment and be upset at other people for engaging in something i have a hard time with. I’m trying so hard to avoid feeling that. It’s probably gotta be hard before it’s easy