So I had a couple people ask me about things to be prepared for when starting estrogen (and androgen suppressants) so I'm gonna do a short advice thread on that today as I have time

(obviously this is all based on my experiences and anecdotal things. Other people on E and associated drugs feel free to chime in. I'm not Queen of the Transfeminine)

So the main concern brought up was about being unstable and emotional.

This is tough for a few reasons: partly bc it's very variable by person; also partly bc I don't want to ever play into "estrogen makes people moody! Hysterical women!!" misogyny.

Again, my experience:
I have more emotions. All of them. Good and bad.

This is for a bunch of reasons. Some I'm sure are physical/hormonal. But let me also say that being on HRT and having my dysphoria go down has made me feel present in my body and my life in a way I never have before. It's like putting on glasses for the first time and crying because you can see TREES HAVE LEAVES and you never saw it before. So I can't say "this is from estrogen" and "this is from dysphoria" bc I don't know what emotional effects are from what.

Yes. I am more emotional. It feels like I've spent my life with my emotions being capped at 70% and they can reach 100% for the first time and it can be overwhelming. I cry from happiness a bunch now. Crying is easier. At times it feels like going through my first puberty in that sense of a rush of emotions that feels like you've never felt this emotion this intensely before. Its tiring sometimes and also exhilarating.

I'm not unstable. I'm not suddenly some sort of emotionally hyperfluid, impossible to predict force of nature that everyone has to hide from. Honestly I'm mostly happier: sadness and anger can feel intense too but.... I lived with depression for years. They're often not so new. What's new is never feeling joy that feels this *light* before. So effortless.

I understand myself and my body and emotions more. I'm better at being able to pick apart the emotions in me. ("Wait, I feel really angry. But now that I sit and think about it, it's actually mostly that I'm hurt this one thing happened and scared that this other thing will happen.")

I have had people I love and trust tell me that my feelings sometimes get hurt more easily. This may be true. I also think that I used to swallow my hurt feelings more instead of standing up for them. So I'm not sure how much is "new emotions" and how much is "valuing myself enough to say something." but partners may want to be aware that your boundaries and feelings on what's ok and what's not may seem to be changing from the outside (whether or not it's a change inside)

The main emotional change is that I feel stronger. I had no idea how much of my emotional and mental space was devoted to numbness and dysphoria. As that has alleviated and as I have made this promise to myself to be living my life for ME and not others, I have been astonished at the deep well of resilience I've found within myself. I barely recognize the person I was and their difficulty standing up for themself. I'm strong and firm. I set boundaries. I do hard things.

This has definitely meant people adapting. I used to be okay with being interrupted, for example. It hurt but I figured what I had to say was less important. Now i call people on interrupting me regularly because I have shit to say and as woman-perceived person I face a bunch more of it. I don't deny that for long term partners and such this is a shift and not always an easy one.

But again. This isn't me flipping out because I'm an estrogen tornado who is a frantic pile of uncontrolled feelings. Its because I'm finally present in my life and think my time and the things I have to say matter.

Hopefully that addresses the concerns about emotions? Basically: i finally live in my body. The world is more intense as a result. Even food seems to taste better because I live so much more in the moment now. I definitely cry more easily: I've started crying because I saw a new pokemon that was really cute once. But crying feels... Freeing. Its nice. I like it. And it's not monstrous or scary.

I think for me the worst emotional issues I've had were several days of intense moodiness when I started progesterone, and sometimes on Tuesdays (i do my shots on Wednesdays so Tuesday is the lowest estrogen day) it is easier for me to get anxious or depressed. But overall it's me just... With the volume turned up to a reasonable level for once.

So, other stuff.

If you're put on Spironolactone as your androgen suppressant: drink water. I'm not fucking around. Dehydration and headaches were common for me when I switched to 200 mg Spiro until I got good at carrying a large Nalgene bottle around the house for myself. I drink like 3-4 litres of water a day. And yeah I pee often (like every 2 hours ish on average during the day?) but it's better than the dehydration

I believe there's increasing research showing alternatives to Spiro may be better (like cypro) but I'm not well versed enough here to say.

On the "stay hydrated" front: the water chugging is also important because gosh boy wing constipated sucks don't do it

Other than "water" and "be ready for emotions" here is my main piece of advice for starting estrogen-direction HRT:

Learn patience, and take joy in every small change.

HRT has been the most abject lesson in patience I've ever had. I spent all that time getting worked up for it, digging up and identifying my dysphoria so it was fresh and raw, and then the first several months of hrt the changes are minute.

Hormones are the most slow-burn TF sequence you'll ever commission. and it is hard at first because when you start you're often READY FOR CHANGE.

Learn to breathe. Know that every day you're alive, every day you're taking your pills or shots and you make it to bedtime and lie down to sleep, your body is changing. Even when you don't see or feel it. You're a day closer to the You you want.

The first change I noticed was my skin. A month or two in, I couldn't stop touching my arms because they felt SO SOFT. I rubbed my forearms constantly. I still do sometimes. It was a small change and not everything I wanted but I enjoyed it as much as I could. My skin because like a talisman, a sign I could touch to remind myself that I was doing something magical. Even If it was slow.

So. Enjoy the small changes as they happen. Breathe and know you're changing even when you can't see it.

If your mental health allows, take regular pictures of yourself. You don't have to show anyone. But the changes happen so minutely it's easy to think they aren't happening. Comparing, for example, a Day 0 picture to a Month 6 picture can put in more stark contrast the things that are changing.

(side note while I think of it: speaking of skin, you my want to get really regular about lotion usage in the winter. Dunno if its the Spiro or the estrogen but my skin gets a bunch drier in winter now)

This advice is more for any partners or loved ones: they should have support. That support should not be only you. They may want to consider a therapist if they don't have close friends to process with. (i mean everyone should have a good therapist tbh but you know what I mean)

Their partner/loved one will be changing physically and emotionally. That can be hard even when its good. They should have a place to process that. It shouldn't be with you primarily.

Okay. I can think of two more pieces of advice. Neither are specifically hrt related but are adjacent.

One: find representation for realistic trans looks and beauty. Fill your life with selfies of people who are like you. Most of us are never going to be Laverne Cox and that's great bc different types of beauty are great. I struggled with my own beauty at first bc I still picked out the hints of masculinity in it. I was comparing myself to unrealistic beauty standards.

Just as I would advice cis people to surround themselves with representation of attractive real cis people in their general gender region, I do for you too. The more we can divorce ourselves from trying to fit extremely narrow and cis-centric beauty standards the easier it is to love ourselves and our trans bodies.