thunderstorm crackle dream @hungrychangeling@computerfairi.es
changeling lost somewhere in the woods&lights, tracing out edges&old maps. loving u fierce. holding us close. making up chants w/ permanent scars.
Joined Nov 2017
veganism, beekeeping, honey
@mara as a vegan human this is basically my practice --> only if i know the bees/have meet them, particularly excited about old school style + innovative new hives that involve less bee crushing (: situated within a framework that wants to center indigenous bees/bees that don't make honey for us
feeling all eager and excited to detangle some of my life threads from the big google
engaging with project of personal info security as a project of optimism & nihilism resistance
thunderstorm crackle dream
boosted
I wrote a post on the first 50 days of Switter from my perspective and my real identity, and cover FOSTA/SESTA, the stress of running Switter, getting kicked off Cloudflare and the DDOS attack we got hit by last week.
https://medium.com/assembly-four/my-six-week-rollercoaster-ride-172eb58ba80e
To have the grace to let myself give myself closure
Went out to a grad party and someone who isn't I my life anymore was there and we danced near each other and briefly said hi and it was ok and tender and achey and ok and that is something
Growing plants from seeds reminds me I am capable and possible and although I can get help and experience mutuality thru cuttings and shoots , I can also start at the beginning thru my own efforts and that's worse then a friends cutting
How to find the part of me that craves approval and permission from everyone around me & get rid of it
What does it mean to be someone who others confide is an inspiration
Why does it feel hard
i process by talking and dancing & love connection & love being love and big whenn i feel safe
and also have extreme anxiety
BUT i do love hanging out with myself and find it grounding and siince i quit facebook i feel so much betterrrr
therapy
t: its totally ok to be you, and be less social and more quiet, its totally great to be the you are
me: i feelll like i want be big and shiny and charismatic i'd be happier, i feel resistance
t: have you researched about introvertism? introverts can totally be big and the life of a party, and then when they need to rest they reallly need tbe alone
me: ooooooh maybe this might describe me
tender holding hands head on should snuggle on couch kind of blush
Ugh I have a crush
The simultaneity of excitement or desire that triggers anxiety
Googling questions like how to move through resentment googling questions like how to just be chill and not care about anything except what I have control over googling questions like how to never feel disappointment
Practically the same as what I wondered at 14
The way becoming full is about learning to wait and anticipate too
Realized when I noticed I was finding it to difficult to hear anyone talk their experiences of aging because I want to experience it however I do IS exactly like how I started taking hormones and never ever read how other hormone folks experience it and haven't ever tracked my changes in regard to it
Forever seeking to make my own intuitive way , deep relation with self
The project of loving my strange body and its various transformsations, to be in awe of it, continues to involve refusing to read or listen to anyone talking about their body or documenting their shifts in their body (re aging re gender re whatever)
I want to know nothing about the chronologies and mythologies of any body but my own
I may occasionally listen to excerpts from dear ones who are situated in our relational context
Read an essay about being a princess and was like oh maybe I'm something like a disaster princess or a princess disaster
the way an if becomes a when
changeling lost somewhere in the woods&lights, tracing out edges&old maps. loving u fierce. holding us close. making up chants w/ permanent scars.
Joined Nov 2017
