thunderstorm crackle dream @hungrychangeling@computerfairi.es

went 2 get ice cream on the 1st warm night
& thought it seemed like i knew everyone bc my brain was tired
but i did in fact have connections to all 25 people in line
one from a workshop
one who used to hook up with an old friend
folx who came 2 parties my roommates had years ago

"wow you look like something out of a fairy tale" is my favourite kind of compliment and this wonderful beltane delivered it onto me

the way everything fades to background chatter

i had this piercing last come out last time i had group sex almost 2 years ago AND after a full moon to new moon wane full of group experiences the nose ring felt out in my sleep

the hole closed up and i have to commit to the ring again

the spell of a piercing; the spell of repiercing

walking into a dispensary and just being like: looking for tinctures or other edible medicine that's high cbd to help me not be afraid of everything all the time; and the sweetie at the feminist poc owned dispensary being like "I have just the thing for you!" and it's a lovely tincture that also has so many of my fav plant allies <3

visited a magical vintage store this weekend and slowly and luxuriously tried on lots of beautiful night gowns and had lots of fun trying things on in a store for the first time?

Sometimes having a cigarette with the moon
sometimes glancing at them through the twirl of smoke; sidelong eyes; a spring flirt

saying hi to all the buds and the worms; tending the meadow

the alchemy of biking - i wake up cranky and bike fast and stompy, and somewhere in the 20 minutes to work i start feeling joyful and powerful
who knew moving my body could feel like this?

decided to use my budget software to budget time
the universe makes a deposit for 168 hours every week

wanting a Rolodex

http://intimaci.es/2019/02/19/teaser/

i'm a launching a podcast playing and exploring what intimacy means to each of us, what even is it!

so much snow flying about

when someone doesn't want to make a life with you,

i mean i keep wanting to ask
so when did you fall out of love with me

i mean sometimes i want to stop and break into; piss on; fuck in ; live on every house behind a fence built on so many demolished houses

slowly creating a set of guidelines and rules for my heart (divergence life)

slowly over the course of my life trying to help my brain not read into things too much, and not be overinvested in anyone disproportionately or overinvested in being liked

and spend time and care on folks who are also spending time and care on me

and just trying to not be in friendships and relationships where it feels wrong to check in about our interest and care in one another; or ones where i feel anxious and insecure and don't feel safe to talk about it

with this particular person it feels like a little sad, but fine
but
a few years ago someone i had been really close with did this on facebook and it felt fairly devastating, they were also fairly subtweety throughout our friendship
but the great thing is the same lesson applies! people get to have their digital boundaries, I can have my grief but i can just return the awkwardness to sender